Make sure the vampire’s lying on his face.
Make sure the stake has passed right through his heart.
Make sure his legs are bound. Make sure his space
Is small. Make sure of everything. Be smart.
If then he wanders loose, by some damned art
Our experts haven’t yet quite understood,
Try garlic, simple garlic, at the start.
Advance to feces when you know you should.
Repulsive smells are, in this context, good:
The vampire stinks, so stench drives him away.
That’s why we’re stinking up the neighborhood
With the gab we maintain most every day.
Will it work? Who can tell? We have to try.
If all our efforts fail you, then you die.