The Metrosexual Vampire Club
(for Mainak Dhar)
With breath mints you disguise the air of Hell,
The exhalation of eternal hate.
With body spray you mask the grave’s foul smell.
Being a vampire needn’t spoil your date.
Oh, let your conversation concentrate
On chick flicks and the latest empty song!
If it should stray to any undead trait,
Then do not let it linger there for long.
Be soft and sweet, for soft and sweet are strong
In a way that commanding cannot be.
On the bestseller lists, you can’t go wrong
Avoid the horror thing, my lad. Be smart.
The stake need never penetrate your heart.