Judgment Juice
by flammeusgladius
Judgment Juice
(for Téa Marie Erickson)
The lousy movie that you plan to view
Is way too bad to yield to simple wine.
You need far stronger stuff to render you
Immune to crap and bitch-slap into line
Your judgment – so you babble, “Hey, it’sh fine,”
When sober viewers rally and object.
Vodka, perhaps, might manage that design—
But I, my dear, am of the whiskey sect.
Jameson is sufficient to correct
All of the sense that you can bring to bear
Against The Hobbit’s defects. You’ll defect
From rationality and cease to care
About the idiocy in that flick.
Drink fiercely and the film won’t make you sick.
–Tom Riley
Flammeus Gladius 
To make those films seem good would just about require alcohol poisoning.