Hypocrite Sauce
They will all make the Sign of the Cross
As they serve lies with hypocrite sauce.
They will say, in God’s name,
Things that ought to cause shame.
They will gain only infinite loss.
–Tom Riley
Unfair
(Secundum Epigramma Latinum Thomae Mori)
I heard you showed your torso at the Fair
When there were children there: that’s child abuse!
The only way to cause a graver scare
Would be to flash your oversized caboose.
Still, your great sissy boobies hanging loose,
The rolls of flab upon your abdomen,
The oiliness, as of a new-plucked goose—
These were a grievous and offensive sin.
The endless calories you’d taken in
You turned upon the young and innocent.
You made eyes play a game they couldn’t win.
Of mercy you showed not the slightest hint.
Why did they need a gander at your gut?
They’d all already seen Jabba the Hut.
–Tom Riley
Substance Abuse
She has sworn off indulgence in booze.
Now on little kids’ insides she chews
For her thrill, for her fix,
For her wild addict kicks.
Every substance is there to abuse.
–Tom Riley
Technological Fix
Technology will soon have full control
Of all that makes your ass so wide. No lies!
You will not have to play the open role
Of Big-Butt Bozo – and the laughing eyes
Of strangers will not focus on the size
Of your posterior with speed and zeal.
You will look pretty much like other guys.
The same old shame you will not have to feel.
Technology will easily conceal
The joke that God has deigned to play on you.
You will be modified. Hey, what a deal!
That great big butt will fade away on cue!
You’ll triumph then – if slimming is your goal.
(You’ll still, however, have a fat-assed soul.)
–Tom Riley
Gods of Creation
Before gods of creation you grovel
In your hopeless bohemian hovel.
There is no point in praying.
They don’t care what you’re saying.
They don’t want you to finish your novel.
–Tom Riley
Evanescence
Here’s a thought that mere wishes can’t banish:
Anglos use contraception – and vanish,
Immigrants to the past,
A mere footnote at last.
I am trying real hard to learn Spanish.
–Tom Riley
Caring Is Glaring
Good, dear people, is all that I do.
If you’ve already watched me, you knew.
If you’ve followed on Twitter,
You know no tribute’s fitter.
Plus, I care about people like you.
–Tom Riley
Critical
“You must hide from me, sir, your critique
Of my greatness, both high and unique.
You must keep it inside.
Let it now be denied!”
“You’re a freak – and I’ll say you’re a freak.”
–Tom Riley
Flammeus Gladius 