Victoria Couricae
Katie Couric: her crap’s in great shape!
Her opponents can never escape!
She puts questions that sting–
and foes aren’t answering
after editors doctor the tape.
–Tom Riley
Arrow
Just remember: Apollo’s an archer,
not a stolid and slow grunt-and-marcher.
It has long been discussed
that his arrows are just.
I await your depending departure.
–Tom Riley
Part-Timer
He was only
a part-time genius, judged harshly
by full-time idiots.
–Tom Riley
Wipe Your Feet
They overflow with mutual respect.
You’ll step in puddles of hypocrisy
if your course isn’t perfectly correct
when you creep by their meeting. Endlessly
they repeat all the lies that they collect,
lies that support their bogus amity.
They are each other’s mirrors, smooth and flat.
There’s nothing to their smiles, aside from that.
–Tom Riley
Gruntissimus
He claimed to think in Latin and in Greek.
Subtle philosophy produced his grunts.
Oh, his profundity was quite unique!
He claimed to think in Latin — and in Greek.
Observers said: “A genius — and a freak!”
Adverting toward their dictum more than once,
he claimed to think in Latin and in Greek.
Subtle philosophy produced his grunts.
–Tom Riley
Damned in Spirit
Former friends have joined hands with my foes.
Now they strike an irenicist pose.
They adopt this vile unity
for the Catholic community.
There are no spirits more damned than those.
–Tom Riley
Deep Thinker
He thought deeply — and said he was deep.
He had insights, was not just a creep
with a dog-eared thesaurus.
Did his homilies bore us?
It is hard to attend while asleep.
–Tom Riley
Praedicat Papa
“He sheds words like the sun’s warming rays–
lovely words, and impressive displays
of the creed he professes!
Let’s hear echoing yesses!”
Ain’t no wisdom — just vapid clichés.
–Tom Riley
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
“Hey, ladies: breed with all these foreign males
that we’re importing!” cries the Heir of Peter.
“They may smell worse than beached and rotting whales,
but, once you breed with them, they’ll seem much sweeter.
My plans are neat. Oh, nothing could be neater!
Europe’s fecundity will be renewed!
These guys deliver semen by the liter!
Hey, ladies: have the proper attitude!
Ishmael is back and wants to see you nude.
(You sluts already show a lot of skin.)
With him you shouldn’t fight a pointless feud.
Give it up, bitch! When he knocks, let him in!
Your duty here can never be escaped.
If you decline this offer, you’ll be raped.”
–Tom Riley
Self-Image
“On high values my soul has a lock.
I have insights so telling that shock
is the proper reaction.
I need make no retraction….”
“Your self-image, dear sir, is a crock.”
–Tom Riley
Flammeus Gladius 