Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: September, 2016

Some Like It Hot

Some Like It Hot

 

 

You’ll like Hell, sir. The Devil there greets
souls like yours with a bowl full of sweets
and a flask of cheap booze
you can never refuse.
He will hire you to run his retreats.

 

 

–Tom Riley

St. Chelsea Memorial

St. Chelsea Memorial

 

 

To the hospital Chelsea maintains,
mom was rushed. Such weird news entertains,
inspires baleful guffaws.
But it should give us pause:
they were risking what’s left of mom’s brains.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Transhumanity

Transhumanity

 

 

Light’s exploding, you know, in my mind.
I’m transcending the thought of my kind–
in a way that is cool.
Do I sound like a fool?
Well, our terms haven’t yet been defined.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Call It Good

Call It Good

 

 

It would be good for you, sir, to be quiet–
not that I’m claiming it is possible.
Now that the whole world rises up in riot,
it would be good for you, sir, to be quiet.
So I believe. I don’t insist you buy it.
The noise, I know, reechoes from your skull.
It would be good for you, sir, to be quiet!
(Not that I’m claiming it is possible….)

 

 

–Tom Riley

Troll’s Story

A Troll’s Story

 

 

“Has the Internet driven you mad?
Has it made of our hero a cad?
Are you idle, suspicious,
and insanely malicious?”
“It’s the most fun that I’ve ever had!”

 

 

–Tom Riley

Worrisome

Worrisome

 

 

Do I worry? You know that I do.
Worry throttles me all the night through
and then into the day.
It’s my worrisome way.
But I don’t need to fret about you.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Under a Vulcan Sky

Under a Vulcan Sky

 

 

That punk Mark Shea presents as Mr. Spock?
Ha! What a case of self-misunderstanding!
His phoney cheer, his gut and ass expanding,
His furry face, his phrases slack and stock,
His self-important tone, always a crock,
His presence unreserved and uncommanding,
His klutziness, on face forever landing,
His heart a fraud, his head a hopeless block–
What in space could be more the opposite
Of Spock, Kirk’s right-hand, logic-citing guy?
Mark Shea resembles Spock in neither wit
Nor wisdom. Folks, this image is a lie
Of the sort Shea adores more than a bit.
The list grows and affronts the Vulcan sky.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Catholic blog-monger Mark Shea adopts Leonard Nimoy’s Spock as his Facebook profile picture.)

The Song of Roland (SHORT VERSION)

The Song of Roland (SHORT VERSION)

 

 

Muslims worship a dark trinity.
Roland dies fighting hard. Works for me.
Charles is royally pissed.
His wrath who can resist?
Hey, who needs theo-accuracy?

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(The Song of Roland presents an inaccurate picture of Islam.)

GOP Lords

GOP Lords

 

 

“After power Trump viciously lusted.
Now our nice little party is busted!”
say the GOP lords.
“Yes, he does have his hordes.
But the voters can never be trusted….”

 

 

–Tom Riley

Elder Statesman

Elder Statesman

 

 

“Vote for Hillary? Hey, wouldn’t miss!”
says the senior Bush, gallons of piss
in his loaded Depends.
(Shit comes out of both ends.)
“Now I have a new butthole to kiss!”

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(George H.W. Bush is voting for Hillary….)