Barlow

Barlow

 

 

A better Dracula than Dracula,
You made the fearless vampire hunters learn
The way of fear. They trembled when they saw
What you had done to Susan. Far from stern,
You jested in your letter. Men return
To dismal failure often in their hearts.
The future cannot be their sole concern.
You used this iron truth in your dark arts.
There is no doubt you had the strength and smarts,
But you inspired a wrath beyond control.
Ineptly, by unhappy fits and starts,
Those mortals tearfully approached their goal.
A resolution came, for closure’s sake:
No slashing blades for you; you got the stake.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Another Victim

Another Victim

 

 

“I’m not in drag that often,” said Mark Shea.
“So I’m not much on guard against his kind.
I stepped into the elevator, way
Unready in my body and my mind
For what that beast might do. And now I find
I’m tortured by the frightful memory.
The Donald groped my triple-sized behind!
The Donald said he had a yen for me!
Now I’m charged with acute dishonesty
By surrogates who want to shut me down.
But I am speaking out courageously!
A bearded tranny isn’t just a clown
Or just a toy to give some masher skull!
Briefly, the Donald found me passable!”

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Note: This sonnet details a fictitious event. Planned Parenthood ally Mark Shea is not, so far as I know, a transvestite. He has never, so far as I know, experienced an elevator encounter with Donald J. Trump. But he does run on as if he had….)

Authoress and the Older Man

The Authoress and the Older Man

 

 

“My darling, never date the living dead!”
But she ignored her mother’s sage advice
And, by the latest teenage fashions led,
Clicked with an ancient guy so far from nice
That even friends were weirded out. The spice
Of life was not attractive to the kind
Of heart that yearned for pure blood. There was ice
In his voice as he spoke his chilly mind—
And, like a hellish preacher man, defined
Her role as something centered in the home.
Soon she rebelled against the place assigned
To her. She went at last for speed and chrome
And cheap canned beer and truly youthful looks.
Her ex, though, was the basis for her books.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Ad Dominum Iulianum

Ad Dominum Iulianum

 

 

Christians admitted to felicity
Sinners your mysteries had long excluded
Forever. How could righteousness agree
To such a standard? How could such be rooted
In the great truths, for ages unrefuted,
That sages taught to elevate mankind?
At such licentiousness you howled and hooted
In polished Greek. Against it were aligned
Your solid discipline, your brilliant mind,
Your urge to guard and unify the state.
But didn’t you ignore the point assigned
By what the tragedians might call Fate?
The claims of Christ were scandalous to you.
Unfortunately, lord, they all proved true.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Critic as Firing Squad

The Critic as Firing Squad

 

 

Does your prose style succeed? It does not.
And your diction is so far from hot
That it’s freezing my eyes.
Though your thoughts may be wise,
For your sentences you should be shot.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Priceless

Priceless

 

 

Bernie, folks, we bought off with a show
Of esteem – plus a house, price not low.
He was quick to agree.
But what Trump’s price may be,
Well, not one of our club seems to know….

 

 

–Tom Riley

Crying for America

Crying for America

 

 

We’re crying for America today!
(In a few weeks, we may not be in charge.)
Things are so bad, we really have to say
We’re crying for America today!
Order is fading rapidly away!
(Our kickbacks may not always be so large.)
We’re crying for America today!
(In a few weeks, we may not be in charge.)

 

 

–Tom Riley

An Essential Life

An Essential Life

 

 

He stuffs his furry face most every day,
Then he repents by munching late night snacks.
Such is the essence of the life of Shea.

Politically correct in every way,
Free with the idle insults and the facts,
He stuffs his furry face most every day.

He links arms with Planned Parenthood – but, hey,
That’s the new Catholic vision! So relax:
Such is the essence of the life of Shea.

He kisses Clinton ass for little pay.
He joins in all mass media attacks.
He stuffs his furry face most every day.

Of gluttony he makes a wild display.
Crumbs fall from his jaws when he makes cracks.
Such is the essence of the life of Shea.

On online corners, how he loves to pray!
He stars in his own endless Book of Acts.
He stuffs his furry face most every day.
Such is the essence of the life of Shea.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Me and Mrs. Warren

Me and Mrs. Warren

 

 

Is Mrs. Warren granting favors, too?
Although Madonna’s offer made me ill,
Elizabeth, I have a thing for you.

Madonna offered oral sex on cue
If I would vote according to her will.
Is Mrs. Warren granting favors, too?

That rumor would undo me, were it true.
The very possibility’s a thrill.
Elizabeth, I have a thing for you.

If you would don your tribal garb and coo
Sweet Cherokee, I couldn’t get my fill.
Is Mrs. Warren granting favors, too?

Her red pretense could turn my red state blue.
Denial, though, would be a bitter pill.
Elizabeth, I have a thing for you!

My heart is yours to torment through and through.
The need to join your role-play moves me still.
Is Mrs. Warren granting favors, too?
Elizabeth: I have a thing for you!

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Elizabeth Warren campaigns for Hillary.)

Disagreeable

Disagreeable

 

 

I disagree with things you choose to say—
But more with things you choose to keep inside.
For weeks I reined in judgment, but today
I disagree with things you choose to say.
I want your black and white to fade to gray.
Orders you give yourself should be defied.
I disagree with things you choose to say,
But more with things you choose to keep inside.

 

 

–Tom Riley