Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: December, 2016

Worse than Morgoth

Worse than Morgoth

 

 

Tolkien’s Elves are diminished, their soul
Having paid time’s impossible toll
Down through age after age.
Some have now reached the stage
Where they labor at Santa’s North Pole.

 

 

–Tom Riley

That’s Fast

That’s Fast

 

 

Congratulations! Your fake
news is spreading even faster
than Madonna’s legs.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Latest Excuse

Latest Excuse

 

 

“Bernie cost her the fucking election!”
So I read. Like an unchecked infection,
That meme spreads. Might be true.
I decline to be blue—
For the bitch was in need of correction.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Why Hillary Lost?

Why Hillary Lost?

 

(The following appeared in Silver’s Dollar, Matt Silver’s limited-circulation snail-mail newsletter. I can’t vouch for the allegations made in the piece, but they do excite interest. There was no byline, which may mean that Silver himself was the author. A notice appeared after the print version: “Permission is hereby granted to reprint without attribution.” For the sake of clarity, I am attributing insofar as I can. But I claim no rights over this text. Copy and paste to your heart’s satisfaction. TR.)

 

Prominent Democrats Blame Bernie

 

On condition of anonymity, highly-placed officials in the Democratic Party are now telling select reporters that Bernie Sanders was a paid agent of Donald Trump’s presidential effort and was “even more responsible than the Russians” for Hillary Clinton’s unexpected defeat.

“We have hard evidence,” said one source, “that Trump was planning his presidential bid as long ago as January of 2013. Through intermediaries, he contacted Bernie Sanders, who after all was not a member of the Democratic Party, and promised him substantial, untraceable remuneration for entering the race against Hillary. The Sanders campaign was never intended to win, only to spoil party unity and weaken Hillary’s chances.”

Said another source: “We believe that Trump and the Russians were working in coordination with Sanders from the very beginning. They even anticipated the possibility of using the meme that Hillary and the party cheated poor Bernie. What Bernie’s supporters never knew is that they were working for Trump and the Russians the whole time.”

A third Democratic official added: “The Bernie Sanders campaign was the biggest fake news story of the election cycle, and the one that hurt Hillary the most.”

Sources said they were aware of how bad it sounded for Hillary to blame Sanders after a dozen other explanations had been given for her loss. “But facts are facts,” said one, “and the damage done by Bernie was evident for everyone to see.”

All sources insisted on anonymity, saying they feared a backlash from Sanders supporters who were “psychologically incapable of accepting the truth.”

The Trump transition team and GOP officials declined comment on the allegations.

-30-

Fatter

Fatter

 

 

Your fat ass, sir, grows day after day
Even fatter. In utter dismay,
With a gasp, strangers stare.
What the hell is that there?
Is that human excess? Hey, no way!

 

 

–Tom Riley

Guiding Conception

Guiding Conception

 

 

Is their guiding conception a cue
For your scorn? Want to mock it? Please do.
They are foolish and blind.
But, sir, please keep in mind:
They repeat. That makes false ideas true.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Before the Apocalypse

Before the Apocalypse

 

 

 
Long before Trump campaigned, crude and crass,
Long before it was cool to harass
Donald over his hair,
The effete fraud Colbert
Got to work licking Hillary’s ass.

 

 

 

–Tom Riley

If I Were a Rich Man

If I Were a Rich Man

 

 
“Trump is Hitler without the mustache!
Trump will make of our world dust and ash!
Trump is sexist and mean—
And his small hands obscene!”
They say this because Trump has, well, cash.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Keen Wit

Keen Wit

 

 

Does Pope Francis display a keen wit?
Well, his urge to express just won’t quit.
Oh, he lets his words range!
But his content is strange—
For he sure loves to talk about shit.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Everything in Order

Everything in Order

 

 

He spoke out with a voice loud and clear.
He spoke out – and was hailed as sincere.
Out his noble voice rang!
Me, I told him: “Go hang!”
He’d exceeded his ordinate sphere.

 

 

–Tom Riley