Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Fox News Gets It All Wrong

Fox News Gets It All Wrong



How tenderly she mouthed Bill’s herpes stick!
What an exalted dream it was to be
Involved, if only temporarily,
In such a ritual of munch and lick
With such a president! She turned no trick.
This was no act of empty venery.
No, it was love — as all her fans agree!
If any creep says otherwise, he’s sick.
Did JFK choose Marilyn Monroe
As proper movie star with whom to sleep?
Why, then, Bill’s choice of Monica as hoe
Proceeded from affection warm and deep!
Offered his organ, how could she not blow?
But Roger Ailes? He made it all sound cheap!



–Tom Riley



(Monica Lewinsky blames late Roger Ailes for embarrassment over presidential blowjob.)

Gianforte Falls Short of Our Standards

Gianforte Falls Short of Our Standards



He threw the little asshole to the ground–
And that’s what politicians must not do.
With sacred status boundless and profound,
The journalist works hard for me and you
Unearthing what is or what may be true–
So every journalistic lad and lass
Must rest secure from consequences. Who
Would dare deny this principle, alas?
He threw the pushy pansy on his ass.
He broke some glasses, too, I understand.
He nixed the loser’s freedom to harass.
On that, our proud reporter never planned.
GOP hopefuls, folks, are clearly flakes.
Such journalists should be impaled on stakes.



–Tom Riley



(GOP candidate charged with body-slamming reporter.)


The Prisoner



More commentary now from John McCain–
The guy who proudly kissed Obama’s ass
At the height of a previous campaign?
More loser sneers, more vile insider sass?
The media are giving him a pass
On all the failures he’s accumulated
Because he’s glad to harry Trump. Alas!
Their appetite for that is never sated.
And John McCain is endlessly elated
To be the darling of the other side.
His interviewers, thoroughly fellated,
Know that he’ll service them, lips parted wide,
Whenever they present a microphone.
That they have captured him is now well known.



–Tom Riley