Now Shea, that liar, claims to be “all hide
And sinew.” Ha! There ain’t no sinew there—
Just lard that overflows without a care
For normal limits. Scientists have tried
To keep that mass of blubber quantified,
But Shea’s vast fat is science’s despair.
Pretty soon it’ll be most everywhere.
Look: crowds of extras flee on either side!
Oh, wait: am I engaging in abuse,
And is my lack of charity a sin?
Folks, it’s an image! I play fast and loose
With literal perceptions. Please begin
To understand! I mock Shea’s huge caboose
To criticize the flaccid soul within.