Man on a Mission

Man on a Mission

 

Softhearted Colonel Carhart is distressed.
Venues for fetal slaughter are declining.
The mouth between those pendent jowls is whining
Eloquently — and it must be confessed
That wide availability is best
When human life has suffered redefining.
Anti-abortionists are undermining
The state to which we thought we had progressed!
Carhart, who wouldn’t blink a droopy eye
At severing a head, is all upset.
Are you moved by his sympathetic cry?
It ought to fill your spirit with regret.
His earnestness has never been a lie.
His righteousness is real — so don’t forget!

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Late term abortionist and Air Force veteran LeRoy Carhart gets weepy about abortion mill closures.)

Miss Mature

Miss Mature

(for J.B.)

When Julie Brumley’s birthday rolls around,
That’s when the human family celebrates.
There’s sudden peace between the hostile states
As enemies discover common ground.
Enigmas fade. The Holy Grail is found.
Rogue leaders instantly acquire the traits
That we would wish on them. The heart that hates
Embraces love. The dollar beats the pound.
I know what you are thinking, Miss Mature.
You’re thinking I’m a liar. If I could,
I’d keep my truths both literal and pure.
I’d hang out in a truthful neighborhood.
Still, in my noble fictions, I’m secure.
Of course these things don’t happen. But they should.

Happy Birthday, 2017!

T.R.

Likeminded

Likeminded

 

Dildo and Mentz are such likeminded friends
That they would never ever disagree.
When Dildo boasts about his potency,
Over is how his pal, complaisant, bends.
When Mentz says something stupid that offends
Vast multitudes, then Dildo makes a plea
For understanding. “Practice charity!”
He preaches to the spirit that contends.
Their friendship, they know well, was foreordained
And of the Deity’s sublime designing.
By conversation richly entertained,
They share a subtle glance, on friendship dining
In a way that can hardly be explained.
It is a sort of psychic 69-ing.

 

—Tom Riley

No More Jokes

No More Jokes

 

My satirical fury I’ve spent.
No more jokes mocking you. I’m content
with the jokes I have made,
with the hand I have played.
But my hatred will never relent.

 

—Tom Riley

Artificial Intelligence

Artificial Intelligence

 

“Every function performed by your brain
We shall duplicate! You claim in vain
To be wholly unique.
We can ape any freak!”
“Then your robot must learn to complain.”

 

—Tom Riley

Mission Statement

Mission Statement

 

I have trends to reverse. I reverse them.
I have lines in my head. I rehearse them.
Toward religion I nod.
Blessings, though, are for God.
I have people to curse, and I curse them.

 

—Tom Riley

Some Idiot

Some Idiot

 

(for Marissa Amador)

 

Some idiot was pouring out your wine.
Such acts, though, are their own clear punishment.
Out from the bowels of their discontent,
The wretched give a self-destructive sign.
The Hell of Winelessness they stand in line
To enter, hot to know the dire event.
Of madness they will not at last repent.
On dust and rotten filth they’re sure to dine.
Some idiot was pouring out earth’s blood,
The essence of the grape that grants elation.
He’d rather try to sip depressing mud
And seek thrills in imagined copulation.
His every mindless gesture is a dud.
He himself has proclaimed his condemnation.

 

—Tom Riley

Durkey

Durkey

 

I had turkey, of course. Common luck.
But I also had savory duck!
That’s what sets me apart
In the Thanksgiver’s art.
That beats you, you contemptible fuck!

 

—Tom Riley

Curse Your Bones

Curse Your Bones

 

Have I cursed your bones? Well, I’m sincere
When I say that I have. You appear
To take mortal offense.
May it grow more intense!
All my curses I’m still holding dear.

 

—Tom Riley

Leadership Philosophy

Leadership Philosophy

 

As he sneered at absurd innovation,
He took charge of the dire situation.
His ways — old ways — were best.
They had all passed some test
Too far back to permit observation.

 

—Tom Riley