The Prophet Wil
Wil Wheaton has rejected idle prayers.
His teaching is authoritative, too.
If you won’t do what he demands of you,
Then the God who does not exist just stares
At your vain orisons and pious airs
With the contempt that witty Wil can cue.
The absent God will beat you black and blue.
You’ll have to go to Hell for your repairs.
The sacrifice required is gun control.
Give up your foolish, antiquated rights!
That is the only way to save your soul.
That is the only stairway to the heights
Religion has propounded as your goal.
Govern your being by Wil Wheaton’s lights!