What I’m Not Saying

by flammeusgladius

What I’m Not Saying


I am not saying here that Shea is fat.
I am not body-shaming Mr. Shea.
“Fat” is the sort of word I never say.
I think our culture hears too much of that.
No, really! As aspiring virtuecrat,
I set aside the horrid yen to flay
That butterball with words for which I’ll pay
Through karma. I would not be such a brat.
I am not saying Shea’s a tub of lard.
It’s not like Mr. Riley to attack
In such a vicious fashion, to discard
All decency and make a nasty crack.
But, Shea — I beg you not to take this hard—
The blue whales called. They want their blubber back.


—Tom Riley