Mid-Morning

Mid-Morning

 

Got up early — and went right ahead
With the day’s work. Why linger instead?
But I now claim detection
Of a viral infection—
And I mean to go right back to bed.

 

—Tom Riley

Honor Thy Father

Honor Thy Father

 

“Off to the barber, Polack, with your beard!”
Respecting elders isn’t Hamlet’s style.
The elder world is vainer than he feared.
“Off to the barber, Polack, with your beard!”
The elder wisdom should have disappeared
By now. The elder charity is vile.
“Off to the barber, Polack, with your beard!”
Respecting elders isn’t Hamlet’s style.

 

—Tom Riley

Pavlovianly

“Pavlovianly”

 

Because you used that wretched word, Mark Shea,
Sentence of death now falls upon your head.
The language may recover once you’re dead.
Its speakers may express themselves the way
That Providence intended. Your display
Of idiocy, on absurd pride fed,
May fade from sight — and ears, in holy dread,
Avoid the stupid things you love to say.
I know that, with Pope Bozo, you oppose
Capital punishment. That’s been discussed
For quite a while, through many highs and lows.
That you’re sincere in such weird views I trust.
Death is a grievous penalty, God knows.
But, in this case, you must admit it’s just.

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Planned Parenthood ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea commits felony against English language.)

Matched Disasters

Matched Disasters

 

First the fire came, and then came the flood.
The sky’s threat didn’t end as a dud.
It delivered an ocean
Of unwelcome commotion.
Ash provides quite a passable mud.

 

—Tom Riley

Close Observer

Close Observer

 

Though ignoring life sometimes proves smart,
I now opt for the manlier part.
Though I’m offered no ace,
I look fate in the face.
Out in life, there are subjects for art.

 

—Tom Riley

Hugs All Around

Hugs All Around

 

You’re embracing the benefits? Swell.
They may take half a minute to tell
In a painstaking way.
But it’s still A-okay—
If you cuddle the burdens as well.

 

—Tom Riley

Indefensible

Indefensible

 

Toys delivered — but who can defend
Such deliveries? Soft hearts contend
And maintain, at the least,
Santa’s worse than a beast.
This enslavement of reindeer must end!

 

—Tom Riley

Treat for Santa

A Treat for Santa

 

Santa may crash tonight. Certainly
He’ll have trouble. Oh, what sights he’ll see
As he crosses the sky!
Who’s responsible? I—
For those cookies contained LSD.

 

—Tom Riley

Sermonator

The Sermonator

 

It is time now for Preacher Man Mark.
His pronouncements are urgent and stark
And cause growing dismay.
If you don’t vote his way,
You are evil — and lost in the dark.

 

—Tom Riley

Et Ne Nos Inducas in Tentationem

Et Ne Nos Inducas in Tentationem

 

The Pater Noster isn’t good enough
For Francis. No! He needs a new revision.
And, you who curl your lip, keep your derision
Down in your heart, with all that nasty stuff
That Francis doesn’t like! Things hard and rough
In the Lord’s Prayer are headed for collision
With Francis and his cool, inspired decision.
If you don’t like the latest version, tough!
The Greek we translate must be clarified!
The Aramaic that we don’t possess
Must rise again! The pope won’t be denied,
But you are in denial nonetheless.
Come on now and admit that Scripture lied!
What’s next, it’s clear, is anybody’s guess.

 

—Tom Riley