Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: March, 2018

Fecal Proliferation

Fecal Proliferation

 

“We call bullshit.” I see. What rare wit!
Hey, he’s brilliant, that David Hogg twit!
I take just a brief sec
To examine his neck.
Then I’m happy to call chickenshit.

 

–Tom Riley

 

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Beggar

Beggar

 

Shea is begging again. What a cunt!
When the going gets tough, he says punt.
Work? He won’t think of it.
For his sad, worthless shit,
He wants idiots’ shekels up front.

 

–Tom Riley

 

(Planned Parenthood ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea “rattles the tin cup.”)

Got Interview?

Got Interview?

 

Larry Sinclair can’t get an interview.
Trump never went for quite that kind of ass.
Because Obama was the guy he blew,
Larry Sinclair can’t get an interview.
What does it matter if his tale is true?
Barack Obama always gets a pass.
Larry Sinclair can’t get an interview.
Trump never went for quite that kind of ass.

 

—Tom Riley

Another Flavor of Lewinsky

Another Flavor of Lewinsky

 

Larry Sinclair? He gave Obama head.
Anderson Cooper may have done so, too.
Stephen Colbert lay dreamily in bed.
Larry Sinclair? He gave Obama head.
Many a personality has fed
At just that site. Can’t total up the crew.
Larry Sinclair? He gave Obama head.
Anderson Cooper may have done so, too.

 

—Tom Riley

Yucky, Icky, Scary Guns!

Yucky, Icky, Scary Guns!

 

Become a frightened little girl, like Shea!
That is the truly Christian way to be.
The history of Christianity
Is an embarrassment to wish away.
Guns ought to be a cause of sheer dismay
For Christians. Baptized souls should shake to see
A 30-06 or a .303.
They ought to try to act a little gay.
Now cut that out! It’s thoroughly unfair!
Shea wears a manly beard. His leftist stance
On firearms doesn’t mean his underwear
Is powder blue. Societies advance.
The Viking Shea is virile as a bear—
Though seeing popguns makes him wet his pants.

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Planned Parenthood ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea calls for repeal of Second Amendment.)

Satirical Style

Satirical Style

 

“At the meanest of things do you smile.
How it grates, your satirical style!
Acid drips from each letter.
Kindness, mister, is better!”
“What is vile I assign to the vile.”

 

–Tom Riley

Artful Things

Artful Things

 

You’re fishing now for artful things to say.
The emptiness is showing in your eyes.
You’re eager for a brand new vain display.
You’re fishing now for artful things to say
As wordless nature processes away.
The fishes do not need to realize
You’re fishing now for artful things to say.
The emptiness is showing in your eyes.

 

–Tom Riley

Preachy Creatures

Preachy Creatures

 

(for Andrew Kersting)

 

John Wayne was a misogynist, you know.
He slapped Maureen O’Hara on the ass—
And certain creatures of the preachy class
Are shocked to see such gestures. They let flow
Their sermonizing verbiage. They sow
The seeds of doubt in fans who give a pass
To John Wayne’s fictive actions. “Don’t harass!”
These preachers cry. It’s quite the snowflake show.
I can’t believe they’re serious at first—
But soon perceive that irony has fled
Their solemn minds. Unthinking and accursed,
They classify and judge. Their hearts have bled
Indeed. Their throats are just about to burst.
They wish John Wayne had slapped their butts instead.

 

–Tom Riley

Macho Man

Macho Man

 

Biden’s running his mouth. Yeah, real class.
He is bursting with trash-talking sass.
“Hey, you punks! Pay attention!”
(Twit does not stop to mention
That Obama’s been right up his ass.)

 

–Tom Riley

Underling

Underling

 

Joe’s a tough guy. Hey, you got that right!
He is just overflowing with fight.
He’s inspiring Trump fears.
That’s why he spent eight years
As Obama’s devout catamite.

 

–Tom Riley