Bad News

Bad News

Alcohol ain’t as safe as we think.
A new study, at which we can’t blink,
Damns the poison called booze.
This is really bad news!
When I heard it, I needed a drink.

–Tom Riley

His Only Option

His Only Option

For Pope Francis, there’s one thing to do—
And he’ll do it if he has a clue.
Charges can’t be contested?
Then claim you were molested:
“I’m a victim as well. Hey, me too!”

–Tom Riley

Uncaged

Uncaged

Benedict sought to cage McCarrick’s ass.
Francis just grinned and set the monster loose.
A righteous sort of fellow for his class,
Benedict sought to cage McCarrick’s ass.
They ousted him for that, perv got a pass,
And Francis even patted Ted’s caboose.
Benedict sought to cage McCarrick’s ass.
Francis just grinned and set the monster loose.

–Tom Riley

Nothing to Say

Nothing to Say

At this point, Francis won’t apologize.
He claims indeed he won’t say anything.
Will silence cut accusers down to size?
Will sullenness move blasted choirs to sing
Anew? Is Francis even worrying
About such stuff as this? I have my doubts.
With the loose world he’s had a torrid fling.
He’s gob-smacked now that accusation shouts
At him, and offers him no easy outs.
He can’t blame fundamentalists for this.
The fundamental decency he flouts
Does not gaze up at him and beg a kiss.
He will not sip from this unhappy cup.
Hey, don’t complain! At least we shut him up.

–Tom Riley

(Pope Francis won’t comment on nuncio’s allegations.)

Amazingly Unkillable

Amazingly Unkillable

Cohen flips. It’s a comical scene.
Talking heads now in triumph convene
To count Donald Trump out.
Trump’s demise, though, I doubt.
This is fatal cut 517.

–Tom Riley

Salvator Ecclesiae

Salvator Ecclesiae

Is wise Pope Francis soon to save the day?
Guys, there are better ways to spend your hope.
Not only is the poor old guy a dope:
He’s under this corrupted age’s sway
Completely. I’m not saying he’ll betray
The Church in ways with which we cannot cope.
He’s not the first or gravest bonehead pope.
The Church is old. There’s no new game to play.
Yet still, to think he’ll change things for the better,
This follower of every stylish trend,
This fool who wastes the spirit and the letter,
This wimp who with the Zeitgeist won’t contend,
That makes you something worse than Satan’s debtor:
That’s idiocy no one can defend.

–Tom Riley

Momentary Fame

Momentary Fame

I beg in public, on the Internet.
I’m cashing in on momentary fame.
My dignity is easy to forget.
I beg in public – on the Internet.
This isn’t something my kind can regret.
My sleaziness I’m eager to proclaim.
I beg in public, on the Internet.
I’m cashing in on momentary fame.

–Tom Riley

Not-Gay-Ness

Not-Gay-Ness

“I’m not gay,” declares Shea. His display
Of not-gay-ness continues all day.
His words mass and proceed.
They fulfill a deep need.
So you say, Mr. Shea. So you say.

–Tom Riley

(Planned Parenthood ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea reasserts his not-gay-ness.)

Soon Enough

Soon Enough

Feeling stressed by the heat? That’s a tune
Many sing, starting maybe in June
But perduring. Don’t worry!
The hot days tend to hurry.
It’ll be plenty cold enough soon.

–Tom Riley

Medicinal Purposes

Medicinal Purposes

What I need I shall drink without guilt,
Though the queens of sobriety wilt
At how much I consume.
That is their, not my, doom.
Hey, I play the sick role to the hilt!

–Tom Riley