Anybody’s Slut

Anybody’s Slut

Cunt-mouthed comic bitch – from SNL—
Offers blowjobs to guys who will swell
With sheer hatred apace
And punch kid in the face.
If they don’t? Whip it out! What the hell!

–Tom Riley

Disgraceful

Disgraceful

Elder Phillips beats drum in kid’s face
While invading his personal space.
Hey, this act isn’t vile!
Instead, curse the kid’s smile!
That expression is what’s a disgrace.

–Tom Riley

Bogus Israel

Bogus Israel

Blacks are Hebrews, and Hebrews are blacks!
Bible chosen done fell through the cracks!
They recover lost joys
By insulting white boys!
(That’s a real set of alternate facts.)

–Tom Riley

(“Black Hebrew Israelites” started confrontation with Covington Catholic kids.)

Indigenous Leaders

Indigenous Leaders

Covington kids did not insult you, Nate—
So I am here to do exactly that.
I could just hurl the vile curse “Democrat”—
A name that God and all his angels hate.
But that would be too merciful a fate
For such as you, a vulgar, lying rat
With Gollum’s scraggly hair and brain of gnat.
It is my duty to elaborate.
Crazy Horse is a figure I’ve admired
For many years. No spiritual runt,
He built the great alliance and aspired
To glory. He fought fiercely and in front
Of all the warriors he had inspired.
You? You harassed a schoolboy. What a cunt!

–Tom Riley

(Crazy Horse, first named Light Hair, a real indigenous leader.)

Episcopal Urges

Episcopal Urges

Catholic parents, pay heed to my rhyme:
U.S. bishops are typically slime,
Like the pope they adore.
As you’ve all seen before,
They will sell out your kids every time.

–Tom Riley

(Bishops of Covington, Lexington betray Catholic schoolboys.)

Injun Hero

Injun Hero

Turns out those white kids didn’t taunt Chief Nate.
Hey, he’s an Injun hero anyway!
After that Twitter river of sheer hate,
Turns out those white kids didn’t taunt Chief Nate.
Friends, if an elder must prevaricate,
Then let him! White kids must not have their say.
Turns out those white kids didn’t taunt Chief Nate.
Hey, he’s an Injun hero anyway!

–Tom Riley

(Lincoln Memorial narrative disproved by full video.)

Others

Others

“Hell is others.” So Jean Paul declared—
Not the pope, but the writer who spared
Sacred cows not at all.
Now his dictum stands tall—
For you’re here, and I’ve almost despaired.

–Tom Riley

Captain Shamerica

Captain Shamerica

Has Chris Evans called out Lindsey Graham?
Wow! Cap’s proving that he gives a damn!
Cap, you’re making us ill.
You’re a mere showgirl still
And as pundit an obvious sham.

–Tom Riley

Honey Buttons

Honey Buttons

Ali, baby, you triumph in tweets.
Other Twitter types suffer defeats.
(Well, not Trump, it is true.)
I do not follow you—
Though I might if you showed us your sweets.

–Tom Riley

Increased Demand

Increased Demand

“Why just shave your face? Branch out, my pet!
Shave your body! Feel feminine yet!
You’ll adjust. Yes, you will!
You will find it a thrill!”
That’s the angle now played by Gillette.

–Tom Riley