Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: March, 2019

Conway Twitter

Conway Twitter

Does that guy have a dewlap – or what?
His throat looks like a middle-aged gut.
What a frightful display!
I am saddened to say
Kellyanne married Jabba the Hutt.

–Tom Riley

Ass and Mouth

Ass and Mouth

Alexandria’s got the patoot.
Ilhan Omar, though – she’s a real hoot!
What’s the next thing she’ll tweet
To increase verbal heat?
David Duke thinks she’s worth a salute.

–Tom Riley

Misophobia

Misophobia

“We hate haters!” the Dems all declare.
“Condemnation, however? Not fair!
We embrace hot tamales
And Jew-baiting Somalis.
Omar’s comments? Hey, why should we care?”

–Tom Riley

You’ve Been Served

You’ve Been Served

CNN has been served and will pay.
What they did in their usual way
Has, in this single case,
Been tossed back in their face.
For America, what a great day!

–Tom Riley

(Nick Sandmann’s attorneys sue CNN.)

Victimhood

Victimhood

“I’m a victim!” Pezzulo declares.
Your routine, you poor slug, needs repairs.
Your shtick’s likely to fail.
Please don’t tell us your tale!
It’s a fiction – and nobody cares.

–Tom Riley

Bitterest of Leaves

Bitterest of Leaves

“Loveliest of trees, the cherry now…”

–Housman

Bitterest of leaves, the shamrock now
Is dripping blood that Micks allow.
And, having tossed my green away,
I’m wearing black on Paddy’s Day.

Now, for my sixty years of zeal,
My own contempt I can’t conceal.
The very thought I cannot stand
Of such a baby-killing land.

The British I have ceased to curse—
Though probably those twits are worse.
With Irish pride I do not swell.
Let the Republic burn in Hell!

–Tom Riley

(Irish vote to repeal the 8th.)

One of Them Tongue Kisses

One of Them Tongue Kisses

Ilhan Omar is hostile and crass.
She is proud that she ain’t got no class.
She is proud of her views
On those bastards the Jews.
And Pelosi is kissing her ass.

–Tom Riley

Incredible Sigmund Pezzulo

The Incredible Sigmund Pezzulo

Furor impius intus,
saeva sedens super arma, et centum vinctus aenis
post tergum nodis, fremet horridus ore cruent
.

—Vergil, Aeneid, 1.294-296

The slug Pezzulo psychoanalyzes
The ancient world. The Romans were sadistic.
Not one cell in her slug brain realizes
That such a statement isn’t realistic.
Of course, it’s simple – being thus simplistic.
And that to the Pezzulo is a plus.
Of facile impulse she’s become a mystic.
Her mantra echoes, dripping snot and pus.
It doesn’t matter that she’s vacuous.
Her bonehead fans will lick up all that slime
And hail her fantasies as virtuous.
She knows they will. They do it all the time!
A rape by Tiber’s sons has been suggested.
They glance at her and are not interested.

–Tom Riley

Artifice

Artifice

Will living creatures disappear—
Replaced by artificial ones?
It’s something I begin to fear.
Will living creatures disappear?
The time of transformation’s near.
That’s what my inner being shuns.
Will living creatures disappear,
Replaced by artificial ones?

–Tom Riley

Mickey D’s

Mickey D’s

Food is palatable. Plus, it’s hot.
Are nutritionists sneering a lot?
A luxurious bunch,
They just don’t get my lunch.
Am I starving? It’s clear I am not.

–Tom Riley