Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: April, 2019

Cloudy Spirits

Cloudy Spirits

The Gods of Chaos put his life in order.
The cloudy spirits slapped him into shape.
Jumping his fence and beating down his warder,
The Gods of Chaos put his life in order.
His bogus boundaries they gave no quarter.
They tore and burned his superhero cape.
The Gods of Chaos put his life in order.
The cloudy spirits slapped him into shape.

–Tom Riley

Leadership Training

Leadership Training

Alexandria still has both eyes.
Eye-patched sailors she tends to despise.
Should she care what one thinks?
She served blowjobs and drinks—
And is thus both courageous and wise.

–Tom Riley

(AOC slights Dan Crenshaw.)

Counselor

Counselor

Some idiot has shown you disrespect,
O counselor whose plans defeated Troy.
It was a project I did not enjoy.
It was a sneer my heart rose to reject.
Dante was one thing. Of the other sect,
A genius too, but next to you a boy,
He just had to resent your giant toy,
Your subtle scheme. His rage could not be checked.
But Dante only damned you, Sly Ulysses.
He didn’t fill your mouth with homilies
Contrived to flatter Sunday morning missies
Or please the soul that giggles and agrees.
He didn’t make you join the club of sissies.
He didn’t drive your greatness to its knees.

–Tom Riley

(Book turns Odysseus into Sunday school graduate.)

Uncritical Evacuation

Uncritical Evacuation

What a vast load of feces you’ve bought!
What a monstrous distortion you’ve wrought!
And behold: you are proud
Of mistakes made out loud!
“I am not fond of critical thought.”

–Tom Riley

Cruel Ulysses

Cruel Ulysses

Yes, the Trojans went down in defeat—
And the Romans blamed you. Take the heat,
Lord of Sly Cogitation!
You’ve won my admiration.
You were wise, as Achilles was fleet.

–Tom Riley

Serpentine Question

Serpentine Question

Rat in tight
coils, are you now outside
your comfort zone?

–Tom Riley

Vulture Hearts

Vulture Hearts

Will the carrion birds, flying true,
Be content with the sparse roadkill crew,
Tearing flesh chunk by chunk?
They may settle for skunk—
But they have their hearts set, sir, on you.

–Tom Riley

Ancient Life

The Ancient Life

Did the Emperor think like a Stoic?
Were his efforts, though quiet, heroic?
From my own humble station,
I confess admiration—
Though to kids we’re both paleozoic.

–Tom Riley

Candidate Impersonation

Candidate Impersonation

Alec Baldwin thinks he is the one
To unseat Trump. Now, this will be fun!
Can he sell the whole nation
On a poor imitation?
Hope he tries. Come on: run, Alec, run!

–Tom Riley

(Alec Baldwin teases presidential run.)

Sympathetic Character

Sympathetic Character

McCain was sympathetic to Michelle—
Or Michael, as her name had been before.
He figured that the poor gurl went through hell
Before our mores changed, then changed some more.
Voters, he knew, were evil at their core—
And worse back then. They would have mocked Barack
If they’d exposed that bit of secret lore,
If they’d have guessed his missus had a cock.
McCain, however, knew that black gurls rock.
Long had he had a weakness for Ru-Paul!
He watched the movement of the culture clock,
And fondly smiled, and didn’t judge at all.
Besides, for Teddy Kennedy, no less,
He himself would have worn the wedding dress.

–Tom Riley