Coming to a Slave State near You
Is there knife control planned? Of course. Yes.
Gun control types at last must confess
That they won’t stop with guns.
Do knives carve people? Tons!
And, what’s worse, slashing knives make a mess.
–Tom Riley
Existential Crisis
Though you can’t see a tear in my eye,
Still it’s true: I am ready to cry
Tears of lasting regret.
What a dire fate I’ve met!
Things on clearance I just failed to buy!
–Tom Riley
Tactless Tactics
Now Catholic theologians give advice
On tactics. Give advice? No! Make demands
Instead! Trump’s not, they tell us, being nice
When he avenges severed feet and hands
Of service members hurt in distant lands;
When he whacks out a major terrorist.
Are missiles all an orange beast understands?
Well, now he has our theologians pissed!
His policy should have a limper wrist.
He ought to send more money – and some flowers.
The mullahs in Iran would then insist
On lying with our guys in peaceful bowers.
This sort of faith is something that I doubt.
Do we have enemies? Then whack them out!
–Tom Riley
Volunteerism
You volunteered to train the girls and boys.
Train yourself, bonehead, not to volunteer.
Volume is what the loudest mouth enjoys.
You volunteered to train the girls and boys.
Proceeding, you produced a lot of noise.
I sneered then, though I couldn’t help but hear.
You volunteered to train the girls and boys?
Train yourself, bonehead, not to volunteer.
–Tom Riley
Thou Shalt Not Investigate the Swamp
Romney types are aghast. Creepy Joe
Merits inquiry? No, no, no, no!
Joe belongs to the club.
Aye, you fools: there’s the rub!
Any misdeed alleged they let go.
–Tom Riley
Mario Mimesis
Andrew Cuomo and Fredo, his brother,
Are intent on supporting each other
As they imitate dad.
Is their attitude sad?
Are they proud to be fucking their mother?
–Tom Riley
I Understand
Believe me, I’m
sympathetic to at least half
your false sympathy!
–Tom Riley
The Correct Way to View It
“Corrupt Biden? Hell, no!” they all cry.
“It is Trump who’s corrupt! Every lie
That he tells about Joe
Makes him even more so.
Joe’s a wonderful hair-sniffing guy!”
–Tom Riley
Not a Whiff of Corruption
No, Joe isn’t corrupt! Not a chance!
It’s by merit his children advance.
Undue pressure ain’t there.
Hey, Joe only sniffs hair—
And perhaps, privately, underpants.
–Tom Riley
Pissworthy Polls
Polls show people irate at the sin
Trump committed, though reason wears thin.
Pollsters preach, in the know.
Polls show Trump has to go—
As they said Mrs. Clinton would win.
–Tom Riley
Flammeus Gladius 