Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: April, 2020

Feeling Needed

Feeling Needed

Blacks and Latinos need the Mighty Shea.
How could they live without their White Protector?
Both in the public and the private sector,
He fights for them the Nazi-hunter way.
He may be lily white, but no vague gray
Distorts the readings of his hate detector.
Of all Caucasian faults, he’s the corrector.
What strength and zeal his posts and tweets display!
Blacks and Latinos: thank him for his views!
Even in quarantine, he has your back.
Behind the screen, he’s truly paid his dues.
Of racist comments he is keeping track.
You don’t applaud – despite his many cues?
Your laughter is a personal attack!

–Tom Riley

Cornpoppery

Cornpoppery

 

’Twas Biden – or demented Joe—
Who told this loony lifeguard tale.
He dealt with gangsta types, you know:
He couldn’t let his manhood fail.

“Beware the Roman gang, my lad—
Their razor blades, their tempers hot!
Beware that Corn Pop cat: he bad!
A man for slighting he is not!”

The leader, he defied a rule.
Joe couldn’t stand a rule defied.
“Hey, Esther Williams, that ain’t cool.”
Said Corn Pop: “We’ll see you outside!”

Joe asked: “How shall I deal with blacks?
I find the answer in my brain!
When faced with razor blade attacks,
It’s smart to bring a heavy chain!”

Confronted with the emblem of
A servile past, the thug backed down.
He and his homeys learned to love
Caucasian Joe from toe to crown.

“Have I now reestablished my
Imperative supremacy?
Oh, what a hairy-legged guy
I am indeed! Hurray for me!”

Dear Negroes: please don’t take offense
At Joe’s weird crap. Just laugh instead.
This tale contains no real events.
It only happened in Joe’s head.

 

–Tom Riley

 

CORN POP: The Only Thing Funnier Than Joe Biden's Crazy Story Is THIS Twitter Reaction To It

Tongue Is Mightier than the Hand

The Tongue Is Mightier than the Hand

 
There’s whores and then there’s whores and then there’s whores.
The mainstream media contain all three.
Some merely boost their own financial scores
By glaring acts of sheer dishonesty.
To please their clients, some strive eagerly
As if full payment were an afterthought.
Some love producing cheap pornography
For its own sake. What wonders they have wrought!
Some even dare pretend they can’t be bought.
These are the funniest and most absurd.
In networks of hypocrisy they’re caught
Whenever their repeated lies are heard.
You’ve done just half your duty, S.E. Cupp.
You’ve jacked Joe Biden off. Now clean him up.

 
–Tom Riley

 

 


(S.E. Cupp delivers standard media whore boilerplate in mindless op-ed.)

Gaia’s Cultic Wisdom

Gaia’s Cultic Wisdom

 
Pope Francis is the type who worships science—
Or was until he made his latest dumb
Pronouncement. Now he’s total in reliance
On Gaia’s cultic wisdom. Me, I’m numb
At how this aging infant sucks his thumb
In public and proclaims stupidity
As doctrine. Can’t he do the minimum
In self-embarrassment – for you and me?
The idiocy uttered currently,
Of course, will fade eventually away.
He can’t get saints and angels to agree
With the vain salivation of today.
Still, he’s amongst my soul’s most gnawing stressors.
What’s worse, he’s undermining his successors.

 
–Tom Riley

 
(Pope Francis says that COVID-19 is earth’s revenge for global warming.)

Higher Altruism

The Higher Altruism

 

Unlike you whiny white Caucasian creeps,
The archetypal hero named Mark Shea
Embodies deep concern that never sleeps.
His charitable thoughts go out all day
And night – to others, in a Christian way!
Well, yes: though only technically, he’s white
As well. But that’s a nasty thing to say
To one who keeps the colored folks in sight
With fondness! All you racists on the right
Think citing facts can undermine Shea’s glory.
Your hearts are selfish, and your points are trite.
Mark Shea will tell his own resplendent story!
He thinks of others – and his thoughts are sunny
When that’s to his advantage. Send him money.

 

–Tom Riley

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(Shameless faux-Viking beggar Mark Shea decries whiny whites who think only of themselves.)

Royal Types

Royal Types

 

King of Denmark: “Dynastically speaking,
It was only the good I was seeking.
What I did then on cue
Was what royal types do.
Hard to see why my nephew is freaking….”

 

–Tom Riley

Dark Tales

Dark Tales

 

Hey, raven! That
crow is telling dark tales
behind your back!

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

Adjustment

Adjustment

 

“It is time to adjust!” cried the crowd
Of impeccable experts. How loud
Were the voices they raised!
And their expertise? Praised.
I adjusted. Of that I’m not proud.

 

–Tom Riley

Unconditioned

Unconditioned

 

“I condition myself to do right!”
He proclaimed. “For I turn toward the light
Through the long, weary day—
And do not look away!”
“You’re true self, though, emerges at night.”

 

–Tom Riley

Prelude to a Reelection

Prelude to a Reelection

 
Says the super-intelligent Shea:
“Trump’s a moron. His cult’s a display
Of deplorable traits….”
Shea is tempting the fates—
And will soon face November dismay.

 
–Tom Riley