Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: May, 2020

Two Vowels

Two Vowels

 
“Alpha implies Omega!” he intoned.
I sneered: “But aren’t there other alphabets?
Order is something frequently disowned.”
“Alpha implies Omega!” he intoned.
“Reality indeed is solid-boned.
Convention, though, is what this world forgets.”
“Alpha implies Omega!” he intoned.
I sneered: “But aren’t there other alphabets?”

 
–Tom Riley

Stylist

The Stylist

 
In beautiful prose,
we admit, you expressed your
empty, ugly heart.

 
–Tom Riley

Intro D.

Intro D.

 
Doctor of Introspection, you should know:
You’ll never cure yourself of what you are.
The self is irreducible – and so,
Doctor of Introspection, you should know
The pointlessness of this cerebral show.
You’re wishing on a long-collapsed dark star,
Doctor of Introspection. You should know
You’ll never cure yourself of what you are.

 
–Tom Riley

Hurry! It’s Your Last Day to Grab a FREE Copy!

Hurry! It’s Your Last Day to Grab a FREE Copy!

 
Sad news, Flammeus Gladius fans!

Today is the LAST DAY of Special FREE Promotion for THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN!

As you can see in the previous post, I am involved in a knock-down, drag-out brawl with a tough British author – Oscar Sparrow – for the coveted NUMBER-ONE SPOT on Amazon!

He flattened me early on Sunday. My ears were ringing. But I got up on my feet JUST FOR YOU and I’m winning again….

WHO KNOWS HOW IT’LL TURN OUT?

You can have a ringside seat at the fight – if you take advantage of the Special FREE Promotion and grab a copy of THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN right now!

What’s even better — you can laugh your posterior off at the sheer zaniness of Joe Biden’s progressive degeneration!

Why would you refrain? Seize your copy TODAY!

 

The Ghost of Biden's Brain by [Tom Riley]

 

THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN….

Anguish and Disappointment

Anguish and Disappointment

 

(for Oscar Sparrow)

 

Some Brit just knocked me down from number one
To number two on Amazon! Oh, sure:
Whatever any Irishman has done,
A Brit will not be able to endure.
He’ll always do his utmost to secure
Imperial supremacy, and we,
The Irish, so provincial and impure,
Will end up battered by inequity.
Success was there before excited me.
That Life-of-Riley stuff was coming true.
But when my heart was thrilled, what did I see?
Anguish and disappointment: nothing new.
What did I do? Of course I bought his book.
I’ll have some whiskey as I take a look.

 

–Tom Riley

 

The Cover Up: A Humorous British Satire and Romantic Comedy Adventure by [Oscar Sparrow]

 

Note: The Ghost of Biden’s Brain is back in first place as of this posting!

Joe and His Undead Brain Are Still Number One!

Joe and His Undead Brain Are Still Number One!

 
You read that right, Flammeus Gladius fans!

 
Joe Biden is still NUMBER ONE in gaffes per second – and that only counts the time during which he is actually able to talk!

 
What’s more, THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN is still a NUMBER-ONE BESTSELLER on Amazon!

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And we at Flammeus Gladius are still keeping THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN on SPECIAL FREE PROMOTION!

 
We’re not joking! You can still grab a copy of THE E-BOOK THAT HAS EVERYBODY IN STITCHES absolutely FREE!

 
You can still pay NOTHING AT ALL for THE FUNNIEST ACCOUNT EVER of THE MOST RIDICULOUS POLITICIAN in American history!

 
Pick up your copy before the SPECIAL FREE PROMOTION ends!

 
Pick up your copy before Nancy Pelosi bypasses Joe in the Democrat drooler race!

 
Pick up your copy TODAY!

 

THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN….

Answering the Call

Answering the Call

 
Something’s failing deep, deep in my bones.
Something’s calling for cries and for groans.
Am I deaf? Not at all.
No, I hear the dire call—
But I answer in calm, level tones.

 
–Tom Riley

Case of the COVID-19 Hypocrite

The Case of the COVID-19 Hypocrite

To you and me, Shea preaches mitigation—
And then, right out in public, Fat Boy spits.
Can anybody say I’m picking nits
When I condemn his foul expectoration?
To him, of course, it’s no real innovation
To share excrescences – piss, boogers, shits.
But this is worse: amongst the hypocrites
He’s sure to find his final hellish station.
That’s Circle Eight, in case you don’t recall.
With sinners of his own dishonest class
He’ll suffer. Lying will not help at all—
But lies will there still constitute his sass.
Demonic spittle on his face will fall.
He’ll have to wear a mask across his ass.

–Tom Riley

Vlad the Commentator

Vlad the Commentator

 
Soon you will
all be impaled on my
point of view!

 
–Tom Riley

 

A bearded man wearing a hat sits at a table with plate and cups on it; he watches a man cutting corpses into pieces; in the background, there are dozens of stakes with corpses on them

Are We at Flammeus Gladius Going NUTS?

Are We at Flammeus Gladius Going NUTS?

 
Demented Joe recently assured America that he was “not going nuts.”

Methinks the candidate doth protest too much.

On the other hand, we at Flammeus Gladius must be going NUTS!

Why? Because THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN is STILL on special FREE promotion!

That’s right, political satire fans! The E-BOOK THAT EVERYBODY’S TALKING ABOUT is STILL absolutely FREE on Amazon!

Yes, we at Flammeus Gladius are maintaining FREE access to THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN despite the book’s being a NUMBER-ONE AMAZON BESTSELLER!  We could be raking in the big bucks, but we’re only thinking of you….

image

We must be going NUTS!

Snap up your FREE copy of THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN before it’s too late!

You don’t need a Kindle to read it. You can download the FREE Kindle app onto nearly any personal computer or mobile device and enjoy the biting satirical treatment of Joe Biden’s mental fitness right away!

Don’t miss out! Grab a FREE copy of THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN right now!

THE GHOST OF BIDEN’S BRAIN….