Completely Reparated

Completely Reparated

Does Kamala owe
Slaveholder reparations? No
Longer: we rule such claims supremely silly.
She paid all debts by sucking Willie’s willy.

–Tom Riley

 

Creepy Joe and the Panic Principle

Creepy Joe and the Panic Principle

“Trump refused to cause panic!” cries Joe.
“I would never have handled things so!
To me, panic is fun.
Once my briefing was done,
I’d have howled: Chance for panic? Let’s go!”

–Tom Riley

 

Why Ask Why?

Why Ask Why?

Why does Mark Shea prefer his cuties young?
Why does he get excited when his skull
Fills up with little girls who – wonderful!—
Behave like skinny strippers? There among
Such images, he trembles – and his tongue,
Like Jabba’s tongue, extends as if to pull
A slender victim in, if possible.
Why does he hum this song that can’t be sung?
Might as well wonder why his buddy Steve
Greydanus feels within a deep demand
For films where man screws boy. What mind can heave
Such burdens up? What dramatist has planned
These complications no one would believe?
Sometimes it’s better not to understand.

–Tom Riley

 

Lard-Ass Lap Dance

Lard-Ass Lap Dance

Against wild right-wing crazies, balanced Shea
Defends Netflix – plus child pornography.
Puritans in the loony GOP
Will bow to his supremacy today.
Cuties of course is more than A-okay:
It’s necessary viewing finally,
Expanding our horizons. Hey, let’s be
More tolerant of pre-pubescent play!
Clearly Shea is a ginger Santa Claus—
A cheery Father Christmas kind of chap
In Pseudo-Chestertonia. His laws
Are not lean laws. His mind evades the trap
Of moralistic judgment. Why? Because
He dreams of cuties squirming in his lap.

–Tom Riley

 

(Planned Parenthood ally Mark Shea sticks up for Cuties.)

Debate Bait

Debate Bait

Biden will not debate, people. There:
That’s my call – for the few who may care.
Debate will not begin—
Though Joe could be lured in
With a whiff of Melania’s hair.

–Tom Riley

 

Preferred Target

Preferred Target

 

Justice Ginsburg succumbed. She is dead.
And I would have told Death, “Go ahead,”
Had he needed me to.
But I wish, it is true,
That Death could have struck Roberts instead.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Eighty-Something

Eighty-Something

 

Ruthie died. In their eighties, folks do.
Those evading this standard are few.
By mortality clocked,
She is gone. Are you shocked?
Then at last you should go get a clue.

 

–Tom Riley

 

The current state of the Left:

Be prepared, it’s going to get worse.

pic.twitter.com/vJ8CsHLqrE

— Benny (@bennyjohnson) September 19, 2020

Bad Feeling about This

Bad Feeling about This

 

He ought to
feel bad about feeling so
good about himself.

 

–Tom Riley

Rich White Commie Bitch Cheers Briefly

Rich White Commie Bitch Cheers Briefly

 

They will give away my stuff, it’s true.
Who will celebrate cheerfully? You.
Seeing me dispossessed,
You will cheer with the rest.
But they’ll give away your stuff, bitch, too.

 

–Tom Riley

 

(One of Jimmy Mattis’s peaceful protesters smashes a window.)

No Debate

No Debate

 

Will there be a debate? Not a chance.
That would not aid the leftist advance.
Teleprompterless, Joe
Would let deficits show—
And then visibly piss in his pants.

 

–Tom Riley