Direful Dave

by flammeusgladius

What Tearing Down Confederate Monuments Won't Solve | Time


Direful Dave


(for Andrew Cooper)


Glenn Goody, Glenn Goody,
A liberal guy,
Decided to send forth
A shrill battle cry.

“I cannot endure it,
That damn C.S.A.!
I wish all its statues
Forever away!”

Was slavery long over?
Were rebels long dead?
Glenn just didn’t buy it.
He fought on instead.

The statue in Glenn’s town
Was called Direful Dave.
Dave needed a new sword—
And he needed a shave.

For Dave in his lifetime,
Like most rebel sons,
Had been poorly equipped when
He faced down Yankee guns.

He rode far with Jeb Stuart
And he perished uncowed.
And of Dave his home town had
Remained always proud.

Well, except for Glenn Goody,
Long encumbered by hate.
He was planning for Dave
An embarrassing fate.

So one night when the moon was
Just a sliver of light,
Glenn pushed over Dave’s figure
From its pedestal’s height.

Then with chisel and hammer
Glenn erased Dave’s poor face.
In the spirit of judgment,
Glenn committed disgrace.

When the crime was discovered,
Folks were fit to be tied.
Sheriff spoke to Glenn Goody—
But Glenn easily lied.

When the full moon arrived, though,
And the morning came after,
Something deep within ended:
Glenn’s interior laughter.

On the pedestal emptied
Lay Glenn’s body, distressed—
For a warhorse’s fierce hooves
Had caved in his chest.

And between his two legs lay
What could not be ignored:
Glenn’s judgmental head severed
By one sweep of the sword.

People say in the town now
When the moon swells and shines
Dave is no longer direful.
They can tell by the signs.

Evildoers delivered
To Dave’s pedestal prove
That the town’s long-gone hero
Is now back in the groove.

And the blacksmith is grinning—
For he knows who has made
Solid shoes for Dave’s charger
And for Dave a new blade.


Deo Vindice!

Tom Riley