Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: October, 2020

Quite an Offer

Quite an Offer

 

Freedom, Lord, you have offered. The tale
Is an old one – and how can we fail
In acute recognition?
You say freedom’s our mission.
Without doubt, quite an offer. No sale.

 

–Tom Riley

Direful Dave

What Tearing Down Confederate Monuments Won't Solve | Time

 

Direful Dave

 

(for Andrew Cooper)

 

Glenn Goody, Glenn Goody,
A liberal guy,
Decided to send forth
A shrill battle cry.

“I cannot endure it,
That damn C.S.A.!
I wish all its statues
Forever away!”

Was slavery long over?
Were rebels long dead?
Glenn just didn’t buy it.
He fought on instead.

The statue in Glenn’s town
Was called Direful Dave.
Dave needed a new sword—
And he needed a shave.

For Dave in his lifetime,
Like most rebel sons,
Had been poorly equipped when
He faced down Yankee guns.

He rode far with Jeb Stuart
And he perished uncowed.
And of Dave his home town had
Remained always proud.

Well, except for Glenn Goody,
Long encumbered by hate.
He was planning for Dave
An embarrassing fate.

So one night when the moon was
Just a sliver of light,
Glenn pushed over Dave’s figure
From its pedestal’s height.

Then with chisel and hammer
Glenn erased Dave’s poor face.
In the spirit of judgment,
Glenn committed disgrace.

When the crime was discovered,
Folks were fit to be tied.
Sheriff spoke to Glenn Goody—
But Glenn easily lied.

When the full moon arrived, though,
And the morning came after,
Something deep within ended:
Glenn’s interior laughter.

On the pedestal emptied
Lay Glenn’s body, distressed—
For a warhorse’s fierce hooves
Had caved in his chest.

And between his two legs lay
What could not be ignored:
Glenn’s judgmental head severed
By one sweep of the sword.

People say in the town now
When the moon swells and shines
Dave is no longer direful.
They can tell by the signs.

Evildoers delivered
To Dave’s pedestal prove
That the town’s long-gone hero
Is now back in the groove.

And the blacksmith is grinning—
For he knows who has made
Solid shoes for Dave’s charger
And for Dave a new blade.

 

Deo Vindice!

Tom Riley

Fearmonger

Fearmonger

 

Halloween is, of course, drawing near.
Joe is selling us oodles of fear.
Creepy Joe: hey, nice try!
But your crap I don’t buy.
Why don’t you, like a ghost, disappear?

 

–Tom Riley

 

Debate Performance

Debate Performance

 

A-plus to Joe!” declares the sage.
“He didn’t piss himself on stage.”

 

–Tom Riley

 

Joe Biden

Dracula (by Basho)

Dracula (by Basho)

 

How disappointing!
So many vampire hunters
managed to survive!

 

–Tom Riley

 

Dracula (1931 Spanish-language film poster).jpg

Case of the Unauthorized Exorcists

The Case of the Unauthorized Exorcists

 

We tried to draw you from your nightmare, lass.
Incredibly, you pulled us in with you.
Attending briefly to demonic sass,
We tried to draw you from your nightmare, lass:
Your spirit of oppression sure kicks ass!
He overcame our whole tremendous crew!
We tried to draw you from your nightmare, lass.
Incredibly, you pulled us in with you.

 

–Tom Riley

Trick-or-Treat in Hrothgar’s Kingdom

Trick-or-Treat in Hrothgar’s Kingdom

 

At the Mere
of Grendel’s mother, you won’t
get any candy.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Lovecraftian Horror

Lovecraftian Horror

 

The oppression, alas, is intense!
After numerous shocking events,
The results just aren’t fair.
There is no Devil there—
But the void left behind is immense.

 

–Tom Riley

Azathoth

Azathoth

 

Listen closer to
the music of the spheres:
you’ll hear cacophony.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Wicked Prophets

Wicked Prophets

 

The wicked prophets whisper of destruction.
To many mortals, that sounds really good.
They dream of death. They long for their induction
Into Cthulhu’s cultic neighborhood.
They’d hasten his arrival if they could—
But they are told, predictably, to wait.
The orgiastic Deep Ones, as they should,
Sing of dark pleasures normal hearts would hate.
The Elder Gods are not controlled by Fate.
Rather, they carry out their age-old plans.
Ah, what a vain and temporary state,
According to their order, now is man’s!
One short stint past, eternally we die.
I myself hope the wicked prophets lie.

 

–Tom Riley

 

(Yog-Sothoth.)