Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: January, 2021

Joe Catholic

Joe Catholic

 

Et oratio eius fiat in peccatum.

 

Pretending Joe’s a super-Catholic guy
Is just about as silly as can be—
Too damn implausible to be a lie,
More a great scrap of imbecility.
Of course Joe likes to show his rosary.
Of course he likes to preen at morning Mass
For all the heathen media to see.
Of course the Jesuits will kiss his ass.
All flesh is, as the Bible tells us, grass—
And Joe’s scant flesh is overdue for mowing.
Still, what’s the focus of his fading sass?
The baby-killing party that he’s throwing!
His soul’s a writhing worm, his prayer a crock,
His place beneath a small infernal rock.

 

–Tom Riley

 

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(N.B. The hateful form of child sacrifice now denoted by the euphemism “induced abortion” is a crime offensive to the common decency of the human race, not just to the moral theology of the Catholic Church. All men and women of good will should oppose it. Bad Touch Biden and other putative Catholics who support this abomination are especially culpable only because they have been given such a clear and rational teaching by their religious authorities and therefore cannot plead ignorance. Arguably, they are guilty of betrayal as well as of violence – and will find their appropriate place in the ninth and lowest circle of Hell. However, I couldn’t bear to grant Creepy Joe the same dignity extended to Marcus Brutus. So I shoved his invertebrate psychic ass under a rock. May it rot there! TR.)

Jobs

Jobs

 

Toward new jobs Little Pete is aligned.
Jobs for you guys, he swears, he will find.
Little Pete’s had jobs, too.
Mostly blowjobs, it’s true—
But a job is a job in Pete’s mind.

 

–Tom Riley

 

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Invariable Verity

Invariable Verity

 

Jobs indeed were by Joe signed away
On his first pretend president day.
Union guys: keep in mind
Every time that you’ll find
You’re the guys Democrats will betray.

 

–Tom Riley

Virus of a President

A Virus of a President

 

China virus? Is that a thing? No!
You may never express yourself so!
Let your vile view be hidden!
Such a phrase is forbidden!
Who forbids it? Of course! China Joe!

 

–Tom Riley

 

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Hopeful Sign

Hopeful Sign

 

Have no doubt: China Joe wet the bed.
Dr. Jill woke as warm moisture spread.
Her discomfiture? Slight.
This occurs every night.
It’s the one sign that Joe isn’t dead.

 

–Tom Riley

 

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Scribble, Scribble, Scribble

Scribble, Scribble, Scribble

 

What is that
annoying scratching sound? That’s Biden
signing away jobs.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Republican Gazette Image

Loyal Opposition

The Loyal Opposition

 

By a media blitz overawed,
We conclude that all logic is flawed
And all evidence vain.
We must now, it is plain,
Affirm all the results of Joe’s fraud.

 

–Tom Riley

 

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Cost of Success

Cost of Success

 

The day your
inspiration becomes a ritual, it’s
no longer yours.

 

–Tom Riley

Look on the Bright Side

Look on the Bright Side

 

The puppet president of Chairman Xi
Is now in place, so history advances.
Of course, America must take its chances.
This age-encumbered mediocrity
Who wets his nether garments frequently
Has long adopted idiotic stances.
Incapable of clever verbal dances,
He stumbles, stalls, and babbles ceaselessly.
Don’t worry, though – for Chairman Xi is boss.
Derelict Joe just carries out his orders.
Though Joe’s ascendancy is clearly loss,
A deep abasement of his current quarters,
Xi’s wisdom offers noodles, rice, and sauce
From far beyond our now-dissolving borders.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Ungovernable

Ungovernable

 

Why should Washington govern my ass?
Why should any political class
Lord it over poor me?
I shall never agree
To such totalitarian sass.

 

–Tom Riley