Flips and Flops

Flips and Flops

Once again, Fauci’s changing his tune.
He can do this twelve times before noon
And twelve more after dinner.
Flips and flops, he’s a winner.
If you credit his crap, you’re a loon.

–Tom Riley

Anointed One

Anointed One

He got anointed – and he lost a ton.
He’s now as slim as any whale that floats
Upon the surface and enjoys the sun.
He got anointed. And he lost a ton
Of ugly fat! Still, skinny ain’t no fun.
He dives when he espies approaching boats.
He got anointed and he lost a ton:
He’s now as slim as any whale that floats.

–Tom Riley

(Mark Shea uses Anointing of the Sick to transform himself from adipose excrescence on the face of the earth to mere big fat malodorous slob.)

Our Greatest Tyrant

Our Greatest Tyrant

Well, I like Mark Levin, I confess.
And I side with him now, more or less.
As he votes, so I vote.
But I do need to note
That he’s wrong about Lincoln. Hell, yes!

–Tom Riley

True Trickle Down

True Trickle Down

“Trickle down never helped the working man,”
Says Joe. “What really helped was Hunter bucks!
As soon as Hunter’s sinecures began,
As soon as Chicoms sold him teenaged fucks,
The long-term benefit was all your luck’s.
You little punks, who never got such deals,
Grew rich. Resentment, in this instance, sucks.
Biden graft, you should keep in mind here, heals!
You should be glad that Hunter’s copping feels
Off little foreign girls. The blowjobs, too,
Help you earn higher pay and richer meals.
When Hunter snorts cocaine, he’s aiding you!
He shares perverse proclivities with me.
Together, we will bring prosperity!”

–Tom Riley

Empty Eloquence

Empty Eloquence

You have eloquence. My mind is blank.
You have natural talent to thank:
I am sure that you do.
But I wouldn’t be you—
Since you’re really just yanking your crank.

–Tom Riley

Smile Cometh before a Fall

Smile Cometh before a Fall

He said hi to the yawning abyss
As he might to a bright morning miss
Serving coffee and tea—
Then defied gravity
And leaned in for a plummeting kiss.

–Tom Riley

Battle-Hardened

Battle-Hardened

What battles has this scarecrow soldier won?
He gave our guys a woke curriculum!
What other liars failed to do, he’s done.
What battles has this scarecrow soldier won?
He doesn’t need to win no battles, son!
Your emphasis on such grows wearisome.
What battles has this scarecrow soldier won?
He gave our guys a woke curriculum!

–Tom Riley

(Professional Lee detractor Ty Seidule is also senior editor of The West Point Guide to Gender and War.)

Lazy-Ass Imp of the Perverse

Lazy-Ass Imp of the Perverse

“No, you don’t!”
boomed the internal voice of
his contrary consciousness.

–Tom Riley

Nimrod’s Tower

Nimrod’s Tower

They strive to show how much they love the pope—
This Commie pope, whose errors multiply
Faster than any laboratory fly.
In his escape from reason, they find hope—
And with his babbling they are proud to cope.
Does Nimrod’s tower rise indeed? How high?
Curial pederasts must now deny
This project of the mouthy papal dope.
Confusion is, of course, on all their tongues.
They press ahead, which means they fall behind.
They mean to drag their asses up firm rungs
But find the promised ladder realigned.
The virus fills their souls, not just their lungs.
I’m glad their pontiff doesn’t have a mind.

–Tom Riley

Contentment

Contentment

“With what little you have, be content,”
They advised us – and we paid our rent.
That is why we’re so sad
About what we once had.
Its destruction we couldn’t prevent.

–Tom Riley