Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Month: May, 2021

Subtler Joke

Subtler Joke

“I got your stupid joke and almost puked!”
A subtler joke was hidden deep within.
I had a subtle problem to depict.
“I got your stupid joke — and almost puked
My guts up!” Well, your threats are action-packed.
If puking were the object, you might win.
“I got your stupid joke and almost puked!”
A subtler joke was hidden deep within.

–Tom Riley

Envy Exalted

Envy Exalted

Achilles and Odysseus they hated.
Therefore it’s no surprise they can’t stand Lee
Or Stonewall Jackson. Let the truth be stated:
Achilles and Odysseus they hated
Because the weak are woke, the addlepated
Inclined toward deep resentment constantly.
Achilles and Odysseus they hated.
Therefore, it’s no surprise they can’t stand Lee.

–Tom Riley

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Vast and Unhappy

Vast and Unhappy

I listen to your vast, unhappy news.
It’s what your species always have to say.
Though it’s a wise decision to refuse,
I listen to your vast, unhappy news.
The universe you can’t help but accuse
Declines to listen as you rant away.
I listen to your vast, unhappy news.
It’s what your species always has to say.

–Tom Riley

Big Woke Biden Army

Big Woke Biden Army

(Sung to the tune of “Big Rock Candy Mountains”)

  1. In the Big Woke Biden Army,

All the bases have great names:

They are named for noble pederasts

And for dudes who dress as dames.

No, there will not be

Any damn Fort Lee.

They push intersectionality

In response to bygone slavery

In the Big Woke Biden Army.

2. In the Big Woke Biden Army,

You’ll be trained but not for war.

They will alter all of your beliefs

Till you think just like a whore.

You’ll surrender all your macho ways

When surrounded by expressive gays.

Their identities you will learn to praise,

And you’ll never use an insulting phrase

In the Big Woke Biden Army.

3. In the Big Woke Biden Army,

You won’t ever have to fight—

For the Pentagon of Equality

Has at long last seen the light.

You should have no fear

If you’re trans or queer.

They won’t make you get your butt in gear.

The demands of combat ain’t their sphere

In the Big Woke Biden Army.

–Tom Riley

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Airborne

Airborne

“You’re obsessed, lad, with trivial things—
Not the doings of armies or kings,
Not the thoughts of the masters,
Not tremendous disasters….”
“Even gnats,” I responded, “have wings.”

–Tom Riley

Songs of Uplift

Songs of Uplift

Peace on earth you expected. You’d sing
Songs of uplift – and cheerfully bring
To the meeting your dues:
Loads of positive views!
You expected the wrong fucking thing.

–Tom Riley

Sicker

Sicker

“Beyond logic, I reach for new skies!
In my own way, I dare to be wise!”
So he thought. So he said—
And I drew back in dread.
Sometimes feelings are sicker than lies.

–Tom Riley

Negative Thinker Evaluates a Positive Good

A Negative Thinker Evaluates a Positive Good

Have you found
shoes to fit you? You
have conformist feet!

–Tom Riley

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Redemption

Redemption

By Dad’s office is Hunter redeemed,
Though on many a minor he’s creamed
While ingesting cocaine.
Make him pay? You’re insane!
Down on him Daddy’s visage hath beamed!

–Tom Riley

Preaching Dead

The Preaching Dead

General Corpse imagines he can live
Again – if Old Marse Robert dies again.
Vitality is porous as a sieve.
General Corpse imagines he can live
Anew – if in a crude way he can give
The mindless crowd a chance to say amen.
General Corpse imagines he can live
Again! (If Old Marse Robert dies again….)

–Tom Riley

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