If Only

If Only

If only Grant had used transgender troops,
He would have beaten Lee a whole lot quicker.
He would have pummeled all those rebel poops!
If only Grant had used transgender troops,
Though stumbling in impressive high heels – oops!—
He could have made the weary South much sicker.
If only Grant had used transgender troops,
He would have beaten Lee a whole lot quicker!

–Tom Riley

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