Disappointing Dracula

by flammeusgladius

A Disappointing Dracula

Bram Stoker’s version earned a lousy score.
Sure, he got little Lucy – but so what?
Statistically, that’s something to ignore—
And, in the end, Van Helsing kicked his butt.
Who the fuck was that Dutchman? Just a nut.
And all the others: who the fuck were they?
Upstanding citizens – and in a rut.
Those poor stiffs should have been a breeze to slay.
Instead, mere mortal losers found a way
To drive the mighty Count, despite his strength,
Back to his homeland. Oh, they made him pay!
The details I won’t analyze at length.
Bram Stoker’s version earned a lousy score.
The real Vlad would have slaughtered many more.

–Tom Riley

Vlad Tepes 002.jpg