Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Mr. Shea’s Heroic Day

Mr. Shea’s Heroic Day

“As archetypal hero,” says Mark Shea,
“I myself am repelling Putin’s forces
At an amazing rate. Please shout hurray
As I knock jets and missiles off their courses!
I have the strength of twenty-seven horses
Here in my manly and attractive frame.
Zelensky unequivocally endorses
My efforts – and he celebrates my name!”
Okay. Shea hasn’t really said this. Shame
On me, the satirist who dares suggest
He has! But is it wilder than his claim
To be the arbiter of what is best
In troubling international relations—
Or worse than all his Twitter fulminations?

–Tom Riley

Fat Lot of Good

A Fat Lot of Good

Shea’s heart is with the people of Ukraine.
The fat therein could feed them for a week.
Shea’s solidarity he can’t contain:
Shea’s heart is with the people of Ukraine!
Of that, I’m sure, Zelensky won’t complain.
There are no vital assets left to seek.
Shea’s heart is with the people of Ukraine.
The fat therein could feed them for a week.

–Tom Riley

To the Rescue

To the Rescue

Don’t worry, you Ukrainians! Mark Shea
Is tweeting hourly – and he’s on your side.
He means to rescue you the Biden way.
His gift of gab he’s eager to apply.
Due to his intervention, you won’t die.
His words will turn aside approaching tanks.
His power Mr. Putin can’t deny.
Your pretty blondes will have to give him thanks.
Applauded now by unappealing skanks,
He’s eager for a cuter audience.
Behold: his outraged posts are forming ranks!
Indignant, he will govern all events.
That’s what he seems to think, at any rate.
I wouldn’t let him dominate my fate.

–Tom Riley