T.M.I.

T.M.I.

“Far too much information!” she said.
There, perhaps, my face should have turned red
At the lass’s reply.
Still… informative? I?
I am always allusive instead!

–Tom Riley

Easy and Effortless Out

An Easy and Effortless Out

“Must I admire the poets of the past?”
Hey, only if you’re literate, my lad!
For those who aren’t, old epics vanish fast.
“Must I admire the poets of the past?”
In former times, a shining die was cast—
But please ignore the light, prefer the fad.
“Must I admire the poets of the past?”
Hey, only if you’re literate, my lad!

–Tom Riley

Dutiful

Dutiful

With the day’s duties, I rush ahead—
Though I might well play hooky instead.
Virtue could be a lie.
Sure, the lazy-assed die—
But the dutiful too end up dead.

–Tom Riley

New Papal Pastoral Priority

A New Papal Pastoral Priority

Of course this pope would opt to meet with trannies.
Did he wear lipstick, though, for the occasion?
Granddads who have remade themselves as grannies
Would be impressed – and that’s called moral suasion.
Of papal duties there is no evasion—
And preaching in support of such perversion
Is, much like slapping every little Asian,
A vital duty. Cast no dark aspersion!
Trannies and queers aren’t making an incursion!
Instead, they’re joyfully exemplifying
A bright new age of unrestrained immersion
In cool baptismal waters. Pope ain’t lying!
This meeting was both glorious and nice.
On fashion, too, the pope got great advice.

–Tom Riley

Score!

Score!

Heroic Ukronazis scored a hit
By killing Comrade Dugin’s little girl.
Our NATO heroes, clearly, ordered it.
Into the cauldron, happily, we hurl
Women and children, emerald and pearl,
Whatever those who will not bow to us
Esteem and value. Rainbow Flags unfurl
To celebrate these victories – and thus
Our efforts are endorsed. Why make a fuss?
The unipolar world must be defended.
Dasha’s demise is far from ominous!
These bombs are what our paragons intended.
If Comrade Putin, though, responds in kind,
He’s brutal, evil, and of unsound mind.

–Tom Riley

Smell a Fraud

Smell a Fraud

I smell a fraud – and know the fraud I smell.
He’s pushing classical mis-education.
The cat is dead—but mice still hear the bell.
I smell a fraud and know the fraud I smell.
He’s under rhetoric’s insistent spell
But screws up every earnest peroration.
I smell a fraud – and know the fraud I smell.
He’s pushing classical mis-education.

–Tom Riley

Rhetorical Powers

Rhetorical Powers

You expect a tremendous amen—
But I’m yawning inside. I have been
In attendance for hours.
Your rhetorical powers?
You need not, sir, display them again.

–Tom Riley

Successful Experiments

Successful Experiments

Can every experiment
succeed? Sure – but some only
succeed by failing.

–Tom Riley

Word to the Wise

Word to the Wise

Remember: when Zelensky’s terminated,
It’s the Americans who did it, chum.
He will not be their first assassinated,
Remember? When Zelensky’s terminated,
Ignore the talking points that will be stated
Unceasingly. Such noise grows wearisome!
Remember! When Zelensky’s terminated,
It’s the Americans who did it, chum.

–Tom Riley

Fixable

Fixable

Yes, I broke
my word – but I’ll glue
it back together!

–Tom Riley