A Serious Actress with Offbeat Good Looks
Don’t be dark! Meryl Streep didn’t know
About Harvey. She’s frightfully slow
On the uptake: no lie!
Of a full deck she’s shy.
She’s a serious gal even so.
—Tom Riley
The Raven (by Basho)
december midnight.
black feathers in cold chamber.
where is lost lenore?
—Tom Riley
La Papo de Sinjoro Soros
Mr. Soros, I’m weary — and numb.
You installed a pope. Many a bum
In the past has done that.
Such corruption’s old hat.
Why install, though, a puppet so dumb?
—Tom Riley
Joy of the Gospel
“Quicumque effuderit humanum sanguinem fundetur sanguis illius ad imaginem quippe Dei factus est homo.”
The simple message of the Scriptures, eh?
The imbecilic pope ignores that, too.
He finds he doesn’t need to have a clue.
He’s pope, you know. He speaks — and you obey!
He always has an awful lot to say—
And every syllable is good and true.
He means to make the Christian world anew.
It will not be the church of yesterday.
Ho, hum. And age of mindless degradation
Embraces just such leaders: no surprise.
I yawn at his most recent peroration.
His lies, I find, are never studied lies—
And hardly ever call for refutation.
I wish he wore a cagier disguise.
—Tom Riley
Deposit of Faith
Augustine and Aquinas thought and wrote.
Pope Francis grinned and cast that crap aside.
Boneheaded thoughtlessness secured his vote.
Augustine and Aquinas thought and wrote—
And ages of interpreters took note.
Pope Francis belched and drooled, self-satisfied.
Augustine and Aquinas thought and wrote.
Pope Francis grinned and cast that crap aside.
—Tom Riley
Inconsistency
Putting killers to death? Hey, that’s bad!
Putting babies to death? May be sad
In the view of the pope—
But with that he can cope.
It’ll pass soon, this right-to-life fad.
—Tom Riley
Further Explanation
The bonehead pope will once again explain
How everyone was wrong before he showed.
All history and logic are in vain!
With words that twist and endlessly complain,
With all the smooth charisma of a toad,
The bonehead pope will once again explain
That pontiffs of the past were all insane—
While to himself he croaks a tuneless ode.
All history and logic are in vain!
Down let the clouds of strange inversion rain!
Let brand new gospel truths tick and explode!
The bonehead pope will once again explain
The smoke that rises from his roasted brain.
He’ll take you down a long and winding road.
All history and logic are in vain!
And don’t dare say he’s giving you a pain!
Be grateful he’s unloading such a load!
The bonehead pope will once again explain:
All history and logic are in vain!
—Tom Riley
The Disappointing Vampire
Do you like vampire babes? Well, your luck
Has run out, by mere happenstance struck.
Lust must now yield to fear,
For the vampire is here:
He is male — and one hideous fuck!
—Tom Riley
