Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Serious Actress with Offbeat Good Looks

A Serious Actress with Offbeat Good Looks

 

Don’t be dark! Meryl Streep didn’t know
About Harvey. She’s frightfully slow
On the uptake: no lie!
Of a full deck she’s shy.
She’s a serious gal even so.

 

—Tom Riley

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Something Completely Different

Something Completely Different

 

Stephen King likes to end books with fire.
Though of this trick his fans do not tire,
Restless artists like Steve
Seek new heights to achieve.
To a flood he may someday aspire.

 

—Tom Riley

Bloody Bore

Bloody Bore

 

Mr. Lovecraft found vampires a bore.
Bookshelves held far too much of a store
Of those bloodsucking nerds—
A complete waste of words!
Better Deep Ones who watched just offshore.

 

—Tom Riley

Raven (by Basho)

The Raven (by Basho)

 

december midnight.
black feathers in cold chamber.
where is lost lenore?

 

—Tom Riley

La Papo de Sinjoro Soros

La Papo de Sinjoro Soros

 

Mr. Soros, I’m weary — and numb.
You installed a pope. Many a bum
In the past has done that.
Such corruption’s old hat.
Why install, though, a puppet so dumb?

 

—Tom Riley

Joy of the Gospel

Joy of the Gospel

 

“Quicumque effuderit humanum sanguinem fundetur sanguis illius ad imaginem quippe Dei factus est homo.”

 

The simple message of the Scriptures, eh?
The imbecilic pope ignores that, too.
He finds he doesn’t need to have a clue.
He’s pope, you know. He speaks — and you obey!
He always has an awful lot to say—
And every syllable is good and true.
He means to make the Christian world anew.
It will not be the church of yesterday.
Ho, hum. And age of mindless degradation
Embraces just such leaders: no surprise.
I yawn at his most recent peroration.
His lies, I find, are never studied lies—
And hardly ever call for refutation.
I wish he wore a cagier disguise.

 

—Tom Riley

Deposit of Faith

Deposit of Faith

 

Augustine and Aquinas thought and wrote.
Pope Francis grinned and cast that crap aside.
Boneheaded thoughtlessness secured his vote.
Augustine and Aquinas thought and wrote—
And ages of interpreters took note.
Pope Francis belched and drooled, self-satisfied.
Augustine and Aquinas thought and wrote.
Pope Francis grinned and cast that crap aside.

 

—Tom Riley

Inconsistency

Inconsistency

 

Putting killers to death? Hey, that’s bad!
Putting babies to death? May be sad
In the view of the pope—
But with that he can cope.
It’ll pass soon, this right-to-life fad.

 

—Tom Riley

Further Explanation

Further Explanation

 

The bonehead pope will once again explain
How everyone was wrong before he showed.
All history and logic are in vain!

With words that twist and endlessly complain,
With all the smooth charisma of a toad,
The bonehead pope will once again explain

That pontiffs of the past were all insane—
While to himself he croaks a tuneless ode.
All history and logic are in vain!

Down let the clouds of strange inversion rain!
Let brand new gospel truths tick and explode!
The bonehead pope will once again explain

The smoke that rises from his roasted brain.
He’ll take you down a long and winding road.
All history and logic are in vain!

And don’t dare say he’s giving you a pain!
Be grateful he’s unloading such a load!
The bonehead pope will once again explain:
All history and logic are in vain!

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Pope contradicts two centuries of Catholic teaching.)

Disappointing Vampire

The Disappointing Vampire

 

Do you like vampire babes? Well, your luck
Has run out, by mere happenstance struck.
Lust must now yield to fear,
For the vampire is here:
He is male — and one hideous fuck!

 

—Tom Riley