Optimistic Alcohol

Optimistic Alcohol

Pessimistic philosophy? Fine.
I’m observing the hurtful design
Just like you. Just like you,
I recoil from it, too—
But I treat these perceptions with wine.

–Tom Riley

Smell the Coffee

Smell the Coffee

I’m awake, sure,
but what I smell is
last night’s Scotch.

–Tom Riley

Thought That I Think

Thought That I Think

I am eager no longer to drink—
Or at least that’s the thought that I think.
I have written it down.
Ah, but whiskey is brown—
And a more potent fluid than ink.

–Tom Riley

Aching Head

Aching Head

This morning’s aching head is worse than ever.
My old friend alcohol is not to blame,
However. Saying so won’t make you clever.
This morning’s aching head is worse than ever—
But laying blame should not be your endeavor,
And explanation will not be my aim.
This morning’s aching head is worse than ever?
My old friend alcohol is not to blame!

–Tom Riley

More Like Jesus Every Day

More Like Jesus Every Day

 

No headache this fine morning: that’s a sign!
Therefore I pour myself some breakfast wine.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Mealtime on a Post-Christian Isle

Mealtime on a Post-Christian Isle

I had some Irish ale for breakfast, Pat.
It made me think of serpents you expelled
from the green land you conquered. Heartless, that–
and pointless. Then with snakes the ocean swelled–
and overflowed in other regions. Smelled
the future, did you? Ophiolatry
retains its strength and never has withheld
its beautiful, malicious subtlety.
Now when forked tongues protrude, folks cry: “Pick me!
Pick me! Let me be nourishment to you!
Constriction I’ll endure quite easily!
Digestion too will only make me new!”
Such is the foolishness this world’s displayin’.
I need some whiskey in my beer. Just sayin’.

–Tom Riley

 

In Vino Vanitas

In Vino Vanitas

 
Nancy Pelosi clearly had a drink
After the drink she had before this speech—
The seventh unit of the day, I think.
Nancy Pelosi clearly had a drink
While slurring curses. “Trump’th a rotten fink!”
She’ll have another now. Impeach! Impeach!
Nancy Pelosi clearly had a drink
After the drink she had before this speech.

 
–Tom Riley

 

 

Everything’s Temporary

Everything’s Temporary

 
Yes, I gave
up drinking – but that was
early this morning.

 
–Tom Riley

 

Supper with the Count

Supper with the Count

 
I’m having supper with the Count tonight.
Like me, he only goes for liquid fare.
He claims he doesn’t sup, but that’s not right.
I’m having supper with the Count tonight.
The looming moon has promised subtle light.
I have a bottle – and won’t need to share.
I’m having supper with the Count tonight.
Like me, he only goes for liquid fare.

 
–Tom Riley

 

Ulysses and the Cyclops

Ulysses and the Cyclops

 
You got the Wheel-Eyed Monster drunk on wine—
An old trick, but predictably effective.
Alcohol, I have found, is not selective.
It works on men – and monsters, too – just fine.
It clouds the judgment, loosens up the spine—
And only time can serve as true corrective.
Wine may inspire the edgiest invective.
At any rate, he fell to your design,
The Shepherd Son of Neptune, and the eye
Was out! You rescued many of your crew.
Of course, you’d long been recognized as sly.
It’s what your guys expected you to do
On journeys where the choice was do or die.
I pour a nice red blend and drink to you.

 
–Tom Riley