Pravda
Putin fell down the stairs and shit his pants!
Our confidential sources say it’s true!
Do propaganda narratives advance
Beyond the reach of rational review?
You ain’t heard nothin’ yet! This story too
Is spreading: Putin’s actually possessed
By 15,000 devils, who on cue
Direct him to give humankind no rest.
What’s more, his captured agents have confessed
That he’s an alien from outer space.
When ships abduct the girls who look the best,
They serve these up to Vlad. Such is the case.
Objections to these proven facts are few.
Our confidential sources say they’re true!
–Tom Riley
Same Old Creepy Stuff
Some held out for a different kind of horror.
Not her: she liked the same old creepy stuff.
Of Dracula she proved a true adorer.
Of ravens she could never get enough.
An alien with skin supremely tough,
a horde of zombies right outside the door:
facing such threats, things could, she knew, get rough.
Delighted nonetheless, she begged for more.
Did pessimists have cosmic crap in store
and existential anguish to convey?
For such dire custom she was not a whore.
World rendered meaningless? She said, “No way.
I’m not a sucker for such vain deception!”
(Lovecraft was here, of course, a clear exception.)
–Tom Riley
Gamma Boy Seeks Equals; Object: Venery
At night he dreams of endless sex
With big-brained girls from Planet X.
–Tom Riley
News Flash
Trump colluded — and Mueller pursues.
He is ferreting out all the clues.
All is going as planned.
Little green Martians land.
Would you like to hear more of the news?
—Tom Riley
Asylum (Short Version)
Sister Jude and her whole Catholic crew
deal with murderers. (Aliens, too.)
Nuns possessed. God denied.
Zombies waiting outside.
Horrors? Plenty. My lines? Too damn few.
–Tom Riley
Superman v. Batman
(for Grace Cortright)
It’s clear that Batman is the better man—
For Superman is not a man at all.
I labor to explain this when I can—
But, when it comes to Grace, truth hits a wall
It can’t knock down. Like Spiderman, I crawl
Upward. I shall surmount this falsehood yet!
But, as I climb, the wall that started tall
Grows stratospheric, infinite. I’ve set
My purpose firm. I’m certain I have met
The burden of convincing argument.
Yet finally I find I’ve lost my bet—
For Grace rejects my works, withholds assent.
Down from that wall I fall right on my face.
(I only take this kind of crap from Grace.)
–Tom Riley