Gospel According to Pete

The Gospel According to Pete

 

Ah, to people of faith he’s appealing—

Mayor Pete, I mean!  Faithfully kneeling,

He wants all to receive

News of Adam and Steve.

He is filled with sublime fellow-feeling.

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

 

A los Vencedores de la Batalla de Puebla

A los Vencedores de la Batalla de Puebla

 

 

(5 May 1862)

 

 

The greatest army in the world was there
To stomp you campesinos to the ground.
How did you even dare to stay around
In your own tortured land? How did you dare
To face that Emperor, whose very stare
Was lightning, and whose grumble was the sound
Of earthquakes? Contradictions here abound.
Yet you defeated Europe — and despair.
Your victory was less, the critics say,
Than final. Oh, the mouths of discontent
Who never knew the trials of the day,
The triumphs of the evening! Oh, event
Marking a line that wouldn’t go away:
The last invasion of our continent!

 

 

–Tomás Miguel Riley von Stoll

Russian Hackfest

Russian Hackfest

 

 

You don’t believe the Superbowl was hacked?
Don’t be a fool, my lad! Don’t talk that way!
This isn’t just a theory; it’s a fact.
Why, it’s attested by the CIA!
Hacking’s a game the Russians love to play:
They hack elections, even other games.
If you dig deep in regions vague and gray,
You will substantiate our wildest claims.
The Russians always have destructive aims.
They like Tom Brady… well… because they do!
Whenever flames are high, they’ll fan those flames—
The Russians will, I mean. So get a clue!
You need to keep your pointless doubts from forming.
This fact’s as certain, say, as global warming.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Superbowl Hacked

Superbowl Hacked

 

 

The day the Russians hacked the Superbowl
Was a dark day for our democracy.
Putin, no doubt, was cackling fiendishly
As so-called “Patriots” scored goal on goal.
It wasn’t just a football game he stole.
He stole the way America should be.
He stole our all-inclusive unity.
Soulless himself, he stole our very soul.
“Comeback,” indeed. The evil Russian plan
Was carried out like clockwork – and the clock
Was Brady. He’s a robot, not a man!
He wins, perhaps, but he can never rock
The way that, oh, Barack Obama can!
There’s nothing more to say. We’re still in shock.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Tom Brady leads incredible Superbowl comeback.)

 

What’s Important

What’s Important

 

 

A plane shot down.  Obama, though, remains

Focused on what’s important to the nation

And to the world.  He’s fixed his brilliant brains

On raising funds for Democrats whose station

Is just a little shaky.  Brief oration—

Well, maybe forty seconds – on the grave

Tragedy.  Must steer clear of indignation.

Now on to stand-up comedy.  Great save!

To unforeseen events he doesn’t cave.

He must remake America – and shall.

If Dutchmen end up slaughtered, he won’t rave

As Ronald Reagan might have.  Be a pal:

Acknowledge that our leader’s voice rings loud—

A shout-out to the Bidens in the crowd.

 

 

–Tom Riley