Remarkable Journey of Frederick Wilson

The Remarkable Journey of Frederick Wilson

Frederick was abbreviated “Rick”
Instead of “Fred.” That truly was step one.
But, when in bathroom stall he first sucked dick,
Rick Wilson then advanced his course – a ton!
Yes, polishing another sort of gun
Affected him in ways that went real deep:
It was transformative, not simply fun.
Calling that thrill to mind, he couldn’t sleep.
Transition surgery is far from cheap.
The Lincoln Project, though, made money fast.
Rick sowed indeed, so now he gets to reap:
He’ll cease to be bald-headed, hairy-assed.
Instead, he’ll be George Conway’s little chickie.
Hey, world: be positive! Say hi to Rikki!

–Tom Riley

(This is the before picture. Rikki owns the copyright on all the after pictures.)

Our Generals

Our Generals

Our generals – who fled Afghanistan
In lame and idiotic disarray;
Who earnestly believe that, born a man,
A soldier can get surgery and say:
“I’m woman, hear me roar;” who daily play
The game of ceding space to every crank;
Who like their chessboards one uncheckered gray;
Who have their bribes already in the bank—
Our generals are wankers. And they wank
Whenever they express dismissive views
Of Russia. Dominatrix colonels spank
Our generals, who utter ah’s and ooh’s.
Then Fox News calls them up for expert gab.
Goatfuckers whip them, sure – but can they blab!

–Tom Riley

Serious Inquiry into the Truth of Scurrilous Accusations

A Serious Inquiry into the Truth of Scurrilous Accusations

“Shea is a chronic gay porn masturbator.”
I said it once – but, really, is it true?
Back then, I put such questions off till later—
As jeering satirists must often do.
Fat Boy, who never had the slightest clue,
Insulted Tulsi Gabbard, who’s a fox.
I stuck up for that goddess right on cue.
I figured Shea had merited hard knocks.
As Stoicism teaches, calmness rocks—
And now I’m calm. What say you, Mr. Shea?
Is nasty right-wing bigotry a box
That you escape by watching guys gone gay?
Is chronic self-abuse your chosen tonic?
“Depends on what you mean,” he says, “by chronic.”

–Tom Riley

(Once again, de rigueur, I am not here literally asserting that this particular vice should be added to Shea’s public list — just that its mention conveys metaphorically something about his essential character. No, the Self-Proclaimed Archetypal Hero didn’t really answer as in line 14, or give any answer at all. He seldom does — probably because he’s been told I want him to challenge me to a duel, so that I can choose lethal weapons. We share a common vacation spot — Lopez Island, Washington — so there is a convenient site for his fortuitous defeat in mortal combat. Ha! Shea doesn’t even want to fight a duel in the sonneteering realm! He’d get his oversized posterior booted hard on that island, too.)

Treason Trial

Treason Trial

In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor.
(He has no principles he could betray.)
His keyboard cry is, “Death to the invader!”
In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor!
Being a chronic gay porn masturbator,
He feels his sissy neurons slip away.
In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor.
(He has no principles he could betray.)

–Tom Riley

(Line 5: Not a literal allegation, but arguably true in a figurative sense. The satirist here of course has no more evidence that Mark Shea is a chronic gay porn masturbator than Shea himself has that Tulsi Gabbard is a traitor. And, if evidence of Shea’s degraded habits actually surfaced, we’d all try to avoid looking at it.)

Winner of the Dance-Off

Winner of the Dance-Off

Zelensky dances charmingly in heels—
And thus must be victorious at last.
Behind his nation’s many shady deals,
Zelensky dances charmingly in heels
And to our deep state perverts he appeals.
Putin, who’s bald, is thoroughly outclassed.
Zelensky dances charmingly in heels—
And thus must be victorious at last.

–Tom Riley

Flip a Coin

Flip a Coin

Oh, which is Father Conroy – sodomite
Or catamite? The Jesuits flip coins
Nowadays, keeping options well in sight.
Oh, which is Father Conroy – sodomite
Or soft, submissive butthole? Hey, the night
Is not yet scripted in his ass or loins!
Oh, which is Father Conroy – sodomite
Or catamite? The Jesuits flip coins.

–Tom Riley

Model Rebel

A Model Rebel

To fashionable idols he kowtows,
Insisting he’s a model rebel still.
He goes for bestial sex with sacred cows.
To fashionable idols he kowtows.
Before their hierophants he boldly bows.
If toady looks could kill, then his would kill.
To fashionable idols he kowtows,
Insisting he’s a model rebel still.

–Tom Riley

You Say Suck Like It’s a Bad Thing

You Say Suck Like It’s a Bad Thing

“People think that I suck? I don’t care!”
So says Kamala, tossing her hair.
“As Old Willie can tell,
If I suck, I suck well.
I am used to what happens down there….”

–Tom Riley

Cheneygasmic!

Cheneygasmic!

Unlike Kamala, Liz sucks no cock.
Up her ass she feels no phallic shock.
Is there joy on her face?
She’s betraying the base!
This alone makes her shudder: “Let’s rock!”

–Tom Riley

Une Fellation Franҫaise

Une Fellation Franҫaise

Bitch’s French accent sucks. This we know.
She makes up for her clownishness, though.
She might do it for you.
Accent sucks. She does, too.
She gives marvelous French down below.

–Tom Riley