Wi-Fi Down

Wi-Fi Down

Is the Wi-Fi down? Then we’ve descended
Into Hell – as some devil intended!
Oh, divided duality!
What remains is reality—
So it seems that the whole world has ended.

–Tom Riley

Lovecraftian Horror

Lovecraftian Horror

 

The oppression, alas, is intense!
After numerous shocking events,
The results just aren’t fair.
There is no Devil there—
But the void left behind is immense.

 

–Tom Riley

Shepherdess

Shepherdess

 
Greta’s stage show, so damn histrionic,
Is to Francis the First a fine tonic
For what’s ailing us all.
Yea, he answers that call!
This is how we can tell she’s demonic.

 
–Tom Riley

 

Omnes Diaboli ad Patrem Longenecker Respondent

Omnes Diaboli ad Patrem Longenecker Respondent

With your learning and skill you subdue us,
Father Dwight! It’s as if you long knew us
And are now speaking out.
Do we flee in a rout?
Ha! We know you ripped off C.S. Lewis!

–Tom Riley

Abandonment

Abandonment

Time at last to disown the Emerald Isle,
St. Patrick. Time to let the snakes return
And lead the traitor multitudes to burn.
Abandonment, I know, is not your style—
But those that you converted weren’t this vile.
For soullessness they didn’t really yearn.
Upon their faces you could well discern
Loftier aspirations all the while.
Not these. They’re thinking only of their groins.
Orgasm is the god that they adore—
And not fertility. Two-sided coins
Bear reverse sides – but, in this giant’s store
Of treasure, there is nothing but thrilled loins.
The snakes themselves disdain this pimp, this whore.

–Tom Riley

Senatorial Reunion

Senatorial Reunion

 

McCain will join his buddy Kennedy
Sooner than he would ever like to say.
The cancer, folks, is channering away.
McCain’s place now is not the place to be.
That’s nature – and the angels all agree
It’s neutral. Oncogenesis is gray,
Not black or white. It simply doesn’t play
The games of ethics and morality.
The devils smile to hear the news. Of course,
There is no cause at this point for debating
In voices either musical or hoarse.
The prisoner already has his rating.
Hell’s gravity exerts a frightful force—
And, at its bottom, Kennedy is waiting.

 

–Tom Riley

Unexorcized

Unexorcized

 

Little victim? She feels through-and-through low.
This condition’s a pain in the culo!
She tried medical care—
But there ain’t no hope there!
Her tormentor’s the demon Pezzulo.

 

—Tom Riley

 

(New exorcism flick hits theaters.)

Diabolus Novus

Diabolus Novus

 

 

I do not take responsibility—
For Putin-sponsored hacking made me do it.
All of my neurons finally agree:
I do not take responsibility
For any act attributed to me.
I’ve never been to blame. I always knew it.
I do not take responsibility—
For Putin-sponsored hacking made me do it.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Asylum (Short Version)

Asylum (Short Version)

 

 

Sister Jude and her whole Catholic crew
deal with murderers. (Aliens, too.)
Nuns possessed. God denied.
Zombies waiting outside.
Horrors? Plenty. My lines? Too damn few.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Krampusnacht

Krampusnacht

 

 

Tonight’s the night he comes to get you, lad–
the Krampus, with his long and bright-red tongue.
You’ve been, as you’ll acknowledge now, quite bad.
Your deeds of evil have been widely sung.
The ladder you’ve descended rung by rung
was not a ladder to a secret lair
where scorpions would leave your ass unstung
and lamiae would coo and stroke your hair.
You’ve made your way to Hell, you brat! Repair
your fortunes? At this late date, not a chance!
For frightened pleas the Krampus doesn’t care.
He has you by your short and sassy pants.
In the brief laugh you heard, black serpents hissed.
He’s urinating on your Christmas list.

 

 

–Tom Riley