Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: evolution

Mark Shea the Science Gay

Mark Shea the Science Gay

Now every Saturday the fat fraud Shea
Posts someone else’s stuff addressing “science”
In superficial terms. His sad display
Of gee-whiz fanboy shit, and his reliance
On others: both are signs supremely clear
That utter ignorance is his condition
And uncommitted blathering his sphere.
Of course, crass self-promotion is his mission.
He hasn’t read through Darwin. That’s for sure.
Nevertheless, he’ll crow for “evolution.”
For such vile vanity, is there a cure?
Can facts fix such a bogus constitution?
For these impossibilities don’t seek!
He’s guilty of small science – and less Greek.

–Tom Riley

What a Mess!

What a Mess!


Don’t kid yourself. Creation leaves a mess
As bad as evolution ever could.
Does the Divine take pride in chaos? Yes.
Don’t kid yourself: creation leaves a mess!
Its advocates are soon forced to confess
That order is at best a fleeting good.
Don’t kid yourself: creation leaves a mess
As bad as evolution ever could!


–Tom Riley


Race against the Clock

Race against the Clock

If you hurry,
you may evolve a brain
just in time.

–Tom Riley



Pod People

Pod People


Pod people are of course replacing us.

The proper attitude:  just get along.

Seeds fell from endless outer space – and thus

Pod people are (of course) replacing us.

We’ve missed the evolutionary bus.

Alien veggies rule – because they’re strong.

Pod people are of course replacing us.

The proper attitude?  Just get along.


–Tom Riley





Nothing, I dare declare, is permanent!
This lizard is evolving into me.
The world awaits that glorious event.
Nothing, I dare declare, is permanent—
Nothing except the pressure of ascent,
Nothing except assured futurity.
Nothing, I dare declare, is permanent:
This lizard is evolving into me!

–Tom Riley

At Flammeus Gladius, We Have Lost Our Minds!

At Flammeus Gladius, We Have Lost Our Minds!


Yes, that’s right. We at Flammeus Gladius have veered off into absolute lunacy. Who knows what the cause might be? Maybe we watched that disturbing episode of Justice League: The Animated Series one time too many. Maybe we finally started to see Pope Francis’s point of view. Or maybe we delved too deeply into the Cthulhu mythos and things that man was not meant to know.

Whatever the reason, there is no disputing our insanity. We have actually decided to extend the special FREE promotional offer on Translations from the Ogrish for one last day!

For one last day, you can snap up a FREE copy of this e-book unlike all others! You don’t need a Kindle to read it. You can download the FREE KINDLE APP onto your smart phone, tablet, or computer and read these stunning translations of Ogrish poems right away!

For one last day, you can thrill to the only poems currently on the market written by gigantic non-human hominids!

For one last day, you can view the neo-Darwinian synthesis from a whole new vantage point!

For one last day, you can escape the dreary world of namby-pamby human poets!

But remember: this is absolutely the last day of the special FREE promotional offer! This is as crazy as we get.

Click on the link below and snap up your copy of Translations from the Ogrish today!


Translations from the Ogrish

Apex of Evolution

The Apex of Evolution


Is your species tremendous? Hurray
For your species! At work and at play,
It is clearly the best—
But give boasting a rest.
What the devil have you done today?


—Tom Riley

Twofold Genesis

Twofold Genesis




Hear me! Way back in prehistoric days,
Some large and bovine creature, now extinct,
Wandered the earth. Perhaps its genes were linked
To those of modern cows, but caution pays
In this regard. We do not know its ways:
Facts observed then were very rarely inked;
And you can bet that cavemen gasped and blinked
When it passed with its thick miasmic haze.
They watched it go. That’s what we know, alas!
As they watched, they did not admire its grace
Or the crap it unloaded on the grass
Or its unhopeful, maladaptive pace.
Nor could they notice back then that its ass
Was pretty much Michelle Obama’s face.




Long, long before our age, an angel fell
To earth. Her fall was not a punishment.
Her shining glory was a vision sent
From heaven, that the temporary hell
In which humanity was forced to dwell
Might know an inkling of enlightenment
And men embrace a loftier intent
Under a goddess’s well-meaning spell.
They worshipped her, of course. No stopping that!
Male heart connected to mere mortal brain
Viewed her as empress and as autocrat.
But now it’s proved the plan was all in vain.
Eons have passed as if in nothing flat,
And, next to Mrs. Trump, that angel’s plain.


—Tom Riley


(Vanity Fair snubs Melania Trump in favor of Michelle Obama.)

High Evolutionary

High Evolutionary



“There was a sequence of increasing complexity and perfection, reaching its apogee, of course, in civilized man.”



–Alice Roberts, The Incredible Unlikeliness of Being.



On my advanced state, I am getting high.
Behold my multitude of adaptations!
Look through the shiny window of my eye
And see my brain, the seat of cogitations!
How glorious my many complications!
How wonderful my placement under skies
That are mere planetary exhalations
And lack my human power to realize!
But, if you smirking, whiskey-bibbing guys
Challenge my evolutionary status
And suggest that my braininess ain’t wise
And offer your subversive queries gratis,
Look it up – and you’ll see that I am right!
The entry’s “Evolutionary Height.”



–Tom Riley



(Note: Some time ago, a Facebook friend started a thread on evolutionary matters, as viewed from a Christian perspective, and on his own thread posted the ludicrous comment that there was nothing in the universe more complicated than the human brain.

I reacted to this arrogant and unscientific formulation with the scorn that it deserved. I confess that I wasn’t thinking solely in evolutionary terms. It seemed clear to me that, however complex the human brain became, and, yea, even if it became the brain of the Hulk supervillain known as the Leader, it could never be the most complex object in the universe. My simple little brain told me that even the imaginary superbrain was only a part of the body, so that, if the brain was complicated, the body of which it was a part had to be even more complicated.

This is Aristotelian – and maybe even Scholastic – logic. But it’s not a bit less valid in its proper context for all that. It has all the overwhelming force of a geometric proof, at least as far as I can see.

And beyond this argument, of course, if you really know your Darwin, you know that all this humans-as-the-apex-of-biological-evolution stuff is ridiculous. Human beings are really rather undeveloped animals. No man can even take on a chimp in an arm-wrestle, let alone engage in hand-to-paw combat with a tiger. The human brain is much smaller than the elephant brain and presumably contains fewer neurons. Plus, if there’s life elsewhere in the universe, there may be biological brains many times as complex as any brain on earth. If humans are exceptional, it may be because of something in their brains – but it’s not because their brains are the most complex objects in the universe. Q.E.D.

I didn’t get to express my scorn in these terms on the Facebook thread. My Facebook friend abruptly cut me off. How was it possible for us to say that the human brain was the most complicated blah, blah, blah? My Facebook friend told me: “You could look it up!” Another participant in the thread – a science writer in the Boston area – appeared to think that I was some sort of naïve Biblical fundamentalist, as he imagined that category. More arrogance from the most complicated brains in the universe! He referred me to “The Incredible Unlikeliness of Being,” by Alice Roberts, as a place to start in revising my mistaken worldview.

And there my involvement in the great controversy concluded.

Now I know why my Facebook friend excluded me from the realm of acceptable discourse. He at least could not have supposed that I was unfamiliar with evolutionary theory. He understands that I know Darwin a lot better than he does. My Facebook friend was worried about something altogether other.

He thought I was going to go off on his science writer friend. He thought I was going to start pouring forth abusive Spenserian sonnets. “Contra me loquebantur qui sedebant in porta et cantabant bibentes vinum.” And, although I didn’t have this course of action on my mind when I was cut off, my Facebook friend was probably right. In the long run, that’s the kind of thing that I always do.

So was I too guilty of arrogance? Not at all. I went and did the assignment. I acquired and read “The Incredible Unlikeliness of Being.”

It wasn’t a bad book. It wasn’t something I really needed to read, since I already knew Darwin and his heirs pretty darn well. But it wasn’t a bad book.

And it was well worth the trouble for a reason that my Facebook professors didn’t even imagine. Dr. Alice Roberts turned out to be the most gorgeous biologist who’d ever directed a dissection. Ouch, that girl was a babe! I would be joyfully present in her lecture hall every day of the week, though I might have trouble concentrating on the class material.

Go look her up and you’ll see what I mean.

Besides, when I read the book, I found that my new evolutionary girlfriend – characterized as an “anatomist,” no less! – explicitly took my side in the brain controversy, not the side of my opponents. All that beauty and rectitude, too! In the passage quoted above, the Goddess of Darwinism is mocking the very arrogance that I sneered at! She’s dismissing it as a corruption of Darwinian theory. She too thinks that it’s positively imbecilic to say such things as, “The human brain is the most complicated object in the universe.”

And, naturally, since she agrees with me, she’s right.


Brainy Reflections of a Brainy Ape

Brainy Reflections of a Brainy Ape



“And by the way, you’re still an ape, just a very special one.”


–Alice Roberts, The Incredible Unlikeliness of Being.



I’m an ape still – but, oh, a special ape!
My brainy brain is brainier than those
Even of chimpanzees. I break the tape
In the brain race. I don’t win by a nose.
Every behavior that from my brain grows
Is a tree that a gibbon cannot scale.
Though the gorilla strike a manly pose,
As quasi-human being he’s sure to fail.
Yes, I adore my brain – and tell its tale
In brainy terms to other apes like me.
Long-armed orangutans cannot prevail
Against my intellectuality.
Next to my wits, the bonobo’s are slow.
He’s really good at doing pull-ups, though.



–Tom Riley