So Long, Football

So Long, Football

 

So long, football! You were a fine sport
While you lasted, and fans of a sort
Found true joy watching you.
What improbable cue
Made you heed the command: SELF-ABORT?

 

—Tom Riley

Russian Hackfest

Russian Hackfest

 

 

You don’t believe the Superbowl was hacked?
Don’t be a fool, my lad! Don’t talk that way!
This isn’t just a theory; it’s a fact.
Why, it’s attested by the CIA!
Hacking’s a game the Russians love to play:
They hack elections, even other games.
If you dig deep in regions vague and gray,
You will substantiate our wildest claims.
The Russians always have destructive aims.
They like Tom Brady… well… because they do!
Whenever flames are high, they’ll fan those flames—
The Russians will, I mean. So get a clue!
You need to keep your pointless doubts from forming.
This fact’s as certain, say, as global warming.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Superbowl Hacked

Superbowl Hacked

 

 

The day the Russians hacked the Superbowl
Was a dark day for our democracy.
Putin, no doubt, was cackling fiendishly
As so-called “Patriots” scored goal on goal.
It wasn’t just a football game he stole.
He stole the way America should be.
He stole our all-inclusive unity.
Soulless himself, he stole our very soul.
“Comeback,” indeed. The evil Russian plan
Was carried out like clockwork – and the clock
Was Brady. He’s a robot, not a man!
He wins, perhaps, but he can never rock
The way that, oh, Barack Obama can!
There’s nothing more to say. We’re still in shock.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Tom Brady leads incredible Superbowl comeback.)

 

Barack’s Game

Barack’s Game

 

 

Now Obama whines: “I hurt my head
Playing football!” Yes, that’s what he said.
Ha! That wimp on the line?
Must I credit his whine?
I am sure it was footsie instead.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-Sports/2014/05/29/Barack-Obama-I-m-Sure-I-Probably-Got-Concussions-Playing-Football)

Future Football

Future Football

 

 

 

They will not play the game they used to play.

Everything will be altered by design.

Guys: no hard hits!  Please find a gentler way.

We can’t have violent impact on the line.

Speed and coordination?  They’re still fine.

Don’t be so good, however, that you make

Others feel bad.  If other players whine,

Adjust your skill and tactics for their sake.

It’s not for winning that your heart should ache.

Rather, play so that everyone feels good

At the end of the game – and undertake

To do as sports reporters say you should.

Don’t sack the quarterback: that hurts his head.

It’s better that you marry him instead.

 

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(First appeared in Trinacria, Fall 2013.)