Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: Fox News

Our Generals

Our Generals

Our generals – who fled Afghanistan
In lame and idiotic disarray;
Who earnestly believe that, born a man,
A soldier can get surgery and say:
“I’m woman, hear me roar;” who daily play
The game of ceding space to every crank;
Who like their chessboards one uncheckered gray;
Who have their bribes already in the bank—
Our generals are wankers. And they wank
Whenever they express dismissive views
Of Russia. Dominatrix colonels spank
Our generals, who utter ah’s and ooh’s.
Then Fox News calls them up for expert gab.
Goatfuckers whip them, sure – but can they blab!

–Tom Riley

Mortal Judgment

Mortal Judgment

 

Sometimes, of course, it is for me to judge.
Fox News will shortly go the way of Drudge.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Drudge Report Redesigns Site for First Time in at Least 20 ...

You Have to Admit

You Have to Admit

 

Mainstream media call it for Joe,
And you have to admit that it’s so.
Democrats don’t do crimes.
And the press at all times
Has been fair to the Trumpster, you know.

 

–Tom Riley

Fox Convergence Complete

Fox Convergence Complete

 

Buddy, don’t put your faith in Fox News.
They’re the creeps you have cause to accuse.
Arizona they called
When the planned outcome stalled.
Otherwise, Joe was fated to lose.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Fox News sets record for most-watched election coverage

Fox News Gets It All Wrong

Fox News Gets It All Wrong

 

 

How tenderly she mouthed Bill’s herpes stick!
What an exalted dream it was to be
Involved, if only temporarily,
In such a ritual of munch and lick
With such a president! She turned no trick.
This was no act of empty venery.
No, it was love — as all her fans agree!
If any creep says otherwise, he’s sick.
Did JFK choose Marilyn Monroe
As proper movie star with whom to sleep?
Why, then, Bill’s choice of Monica as hoe
Proceeded from affection warm and deep!
Offered his organ, how could she not blow?
But Roger Ailes? He made it all sound cheap!

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Monica Lewinsky blames late Roger Ailes for embarrassment over presidential blowjob.)

Offended

Offended

 

 

Hillary’s taking vocalized offense–
as well she might, since charming husband Bill
was once a rapist. Simple common sense
would mandate an exception. With a will,
she hastens to proclaim the need to kill
the rapist’s kid. But kill the rapist? No.
Though he’s a cad, his wife requires him still
to help her win the presidency — so
she draws the line. I know the witch is low–
low as a snake that’s crept inside a boot,
low as a murder victim deep in snow,
low as the Devil’s often-smooched patoot.
Still, despite lying lips and frumpy style,
she’s better than Obama by a mile.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Clinton calls GOP views on abortion “offensive.”)

Interviewed

Interviewed

 

 

 

 

Bill, everything is really A-OK.

Problems are caused entirely by Fox News.

The web site flaws have all now gone away.

What happened at Benghazi?  Ain’t no clues.

No one was targeted for right-wing views

By sterling agents at the IRS.

We truly have no cause to sing the blues.

We may not be there yet – but we progress

Toward a state of transcendent happiness

Under the leadership I demonstrate.

Do some folks disapprove of me?  I guess

They do – but that is simply racial hate.

I look upon my works and call them good.

I’ve never doubted my Messiah-hood.

 

 

 

 

–Tom Riley

Bipartisan Consensus

Bipartisan Consensus

 

 

 

 

Oh, all the zealous neocons concur:

Obama, through his super NSA,

Keeps us all safe!  Are terrorists astir?

They are – and we’re the ones they mean to slay.

So spy on us, Obama, that you may

Protect us from those down-and-dirty guys!

Through such surveillance, you indeed survey

The world of threats we have to recognize.

In this, we all agree, you’re being wise.

In this, you merit our unstinting trust.

Objections, though they may seem strong, are lies

Designed to undermine an utter must—

A program that we all rely upon:

The one that saved the Boston Marathon!

 

 

 

 

–Tom Riley