Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: frauds

Smell a Fraud

Smell a Fraud

I smell a fraud – and know the fraud I smell.
He’s pushing classical mis-education.
The cat is dead—but mice still hear the bell.
I smell a fraud and know the fraud I smell.
He’s under rhetoric’s insistent spell
But screws up every earnest peroration.
I smell a fraud – and know the fraud I smell.
He’s pushing classical mis-education.

–Tom Riley

Sorry Spectacle

Sorry Spectacle

Pope Francis has apologized again
For something that in truth did not occur.
Liars accuse the Church. He says amen,
Positioning himself as minister
To all the wounded souls that never were.
Along the way, he pisses on the dead.
Do those he seeks to satisfy then purr
A pleased response? No chance. They roar instead
And soft Bergoglio’s bogus act is fed
A whole new fuel. The cycle will proceed.
Repeating all the pointless things he’s said,
The pope will grasp the sucker’s role with greed
Because he loves to posture and to suck.
For Christians now alive, he’s rotten luck.

–Tom Riley

Exemplary Generosity

Exemplary Generosity

“I’m generous with other people’s money,
And therefore I’m the finest Catholic sage!”
Says Mark P. Shea, who doesn’t think it’s funny.
“I’m generous with other people’s money,
And therefore I deserve both milk and honey.
I am the Pastry Prophet of the Age!
I’m generous with other people’s money—
And therefore I’m the finest Catholic sage.”

–Tom Riley

Fat-Ass White Savior Done Saved the Black Folk Again!

Fat-Ass White Savior Done Saved the Black Folk Again!

A new commandment Shea bestows on us:
“Thou shalt be woke and shalt not mock the woke!”
It follows that we must not make a joke
That Shea does not approve of. On our bus,
He’s now a Freedom Rider! Don’t discuss
How dated is his posture here, nor choke
On his self-righteousness! Wrapped in a cloak
Of many colors, he’s dead serious.
He loves the Black Experience. He does!
There’s never been a savior quite as white
As he is. He transcends red facial fuzz
And honky intonations. Dyn-o-mite!
He cries with a decided nasal buzz.
But still, you Negroes think he’s peachy, right?

–Tom Riley

In Solidarity

In Solidarity

“We will not stand united in vain!
Of our sacrifice, we won’t complain!
But we do have to say
There’s a problem today:
On a map, we can’t locate Ukraine.”

–Tom Riley

What a Man Who Dresses as a Woman Really Wants

What a Man Who Dresses as a Woman Really Wants

How obvious can fake news peddlers be?
When it’s required, atrocities are there!
Zelensky really wants that World War Three

That you and I regard suspiciously.
Destroy those evil Russians from the air!
How obvious can fake news peddlers be?

The Ghost of Kyiv, whom no one got to see,
Still haunts the West. Performing from his lair,
Zelensky really wants that World War Three!

Putin is Adolf Hitler, wickedly
Returning from the dead. It isn’t fair!

How obvious can fake news peddlers be?

Contemptuous of objectivity,
They hope that we will only glance, not stare.
Zelensky really wants that World War Three.

He savors every future casualty.
The Slavic realm of course has lives to spare.
How obvious can fake news peddlers be?
Zelensky really wants that World War Three.

–Tom Riley

Serious Inquiry into the Truth of Scurrilous Accusations

A Serious Inquiry into the Truth of Scurrilous Accusations

“Shea is a chronic gay porn masturbator.”
I said it once – but, really, is it true?
Back then, I put such questions off till later—
As jeering satirists must often do.
Fat Boy, who never had the slightest clue,
Insulted Tulsi Gabbard, who’s a fox.
I stuck up for that goddess right on cue.
I figured Shea had merited hard knocks.
As Stoicism teaches, calmness rocks—
And now I’m calm. What say you, Mr. Shea?
Is nasty right-wing bigotry a box
That you escape by watching guys gone gay?
Is chronic self-abuse your chosen tonic?
“Depends on what you mean,” he says, “by chronic.”

–Tom Riley

(Once again, de rigueur, I am not here literally asserting that this particular vice should be added to Shea’s public list — just that its mention conveys metaphorically something about his essential character. No, the Self-Proclaimed Archetypal Hero didn’t really answer as in line 14, or give any answer at all. He seldom does — probably because he’s been told I want him to challenge me to a duel, so that I can choose lethal weapons. We share a common vacation spot — Lopez Island, Washington — so there is a convenient site for his fortuitous defeat in mortal combat. Ha! Shea doesn’t even want to fight a duel in the sonneteering realm! He’d get his oversized posterior booted hard on that island, too.)

Creepy Joe and the Great Sanction Orgy

Creepy Joe and the Great Sanction Orgy

Whom shall I sanction (Biden asks) today?
I’ll sanction every state that disagrees.
I’ll sanction every guy that isn’t gay.
I’ll sanction every punk not on his knees
To me and all my buddies. Hard to please,
I’ll sanction those who dare stay uncommitted
To all the lies I pitch as verities.
I’ll sanction those who say they won’t be shitted.
I’m tough as hell, though maybe insect-witted.
I’ll sanction India and China too.
Is it against the facts that I am pitted?
I’ll sanction you and you and you and you!
I’ve soiled my underpants, so why be nice?
America, not I, will pay the price.

–Tom Riley

(Note on the text: Sniffer Joe has of course never been literate enough to use the accusative pronoun “whom” correctly, nor to distinguish between nominative and accusative in such phrases as “America, not I.” And now he’s deep in dementia. He can’t distinguish his fundament from an aperture in the earth. But there’s no percentage in representing Joe’s drooling voice too accurately. T.R.)

Mr. Shea’s Heroic Day

Mr. Shea’s Heroic Day

“As archetypal hero,” says Mark Shea,
“I myself am repelling Putin’s forces
At an amazing rate. Please shout hurray
As I knock jets and missiles off their courses!
I have the strength of twenty-seven horses
Here in my manly and attractive frame.
Zelensky unequivocally endorses
My efforts – and he celebrates my name!”
Okay. Shea hasn’t really said this. Shame
On me, the satirist who dares suggest
He has! But is it wilder than his claim
To be the arbiter of what is best
In troubling international relations—
Or worse than all his Twitter fulminations?

–Tom Riley

Fat Lot of Good

A Fat Lot of Good

Shea’s heart is with the people of Ukraine.
The fat therein could feed them for a week.
Shea’s solidarity he can’t contain:
Shea’s heart is with the people of Ukraine!
Of that, I’m sure, Zelensky won’t complain.
There are no vital assets left to seek.
Shea’s heart is with the people of Ukraine.
The fat therein could feed them for a week.

–Tom Riley