Stevie King Ukrainian Potpourri

Stevie King Ukrainian Potpourri

Putin has screwed the pooch, says Stephen King.
Jerk failed to realize that Hero Joe
Would make him pay the price for everything.
Hey, Stevie’s confident – and he should know.
Although this isn’t quite his horror show,
He understands the genre thoroughly:
He understands how things are bound to go
With incarnations of monstrosity.
Biden is sure to force Count Vlad to flee
As once Count Dracula fled London Town—
Or else, like Ben Mears, Biden’s sure to be
Pounding a stake through Moscow’s macho clown.
Before that happens, though – let this be said!—
Joe’s brain must first be summoned from the dead.

–Tom Riley

Revival?

Revival?

It ended in a séance, more or less.
Ah, what a disappointment, Mr. King!
I thought your minister was saying yes
To something more expansive. Would he bring
Back to the light the whole vast gathering
Of woe-begotten, lost humanity?
Would he pry out Death’s Donne-discarded sting
And set the dead, though long-forgotten, free?
Such an apocalypse I hoped to see—
And what a horror, sir, it would have seemed!
Instead we got a little colloquy
Describing some lame afterlife you’d dreamed.
It was a weary joke – none wearier.
Stick to your gifts. You ain’t no Lovecraft, sir.

–Tom Riley

Change Horror Forever

Change Horror Forever

“I’ll change horror forever!” he said.
His original books I have read—
And I guess they’re okay.
But I do need to say
That we still dread the night – and the dead.

–Tom Riley

On the Limitations of Argument

On the Limitations of Argument

He argued with the vampire lord
But lacked a stake to make his point.
He didn’t even have a sword!
He argued with the vampire lord.
By rhetoric, some beasts are bored.
“No space for speeches in this joint!”
He argued with the vampire lord—
But lacked a stake to make his point.

–Tom Riley

Humble Request

Humble Request

 

“The bitter sting of remorse will not cease to rankle in my wounds until death shall close them forever.”

 

Like Adam, I requested just one mate.
Frankenstein found that one request excessive.
His attitude was heartless and aggressive
At last. He started, labored to dilate,
Then cut the project off, inspired by hate.
Only of one small dream was I possessive.
My vengeance, I then swore, would be impressive.
Oh, he had opted for a dismal fate!
Creators have to answer, I maintain,
For what they have created. Mortified
By life infused in body and in brain
Fresh from his hands, he waited – then he cried.
I gave him boundless spiritual pain.
Did I regret my deeds? Ha! Walton lied!

 

–Tom Riley

 

Dracula (by Basho)

Dracula (by Basho)

 

How disappointing!
So many vampire hunters
managed to survive!

 

–Tom Riley

 

Lovecraftian Horror

Lovecraftian Horror

 

The oppression, alas, is intense!
After numerous shocking events,
The results just aren’t fair.
There is no Devil there—
But the void left behind is immense.

 

–Tom Riley

Scientific Methods

Scientific Methods

 

Mina suffered vampiric infection.
(Genius was not required for detection.)
By hypnosis was found
The Count’s brain to hers bound.
Did Van Helsing consider dissection?

 

–Tom Riley

 

Masque of the Red Death (by Basho)

The Masque of the Red Death (by Basho)

 

Through emblematic
chambers stalks the figure of
genuine killer.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Pre-Freudian Death Wish

Pre-Freudian Death Wish

 

“One sign of the vampire is the power of the hand. The slender hand of Mircalla closed like a vise of steel on the General’s wrist when he raised the hatchet to strike. But its power is not confined to its grasp; it leaves a numbness in the limb it seizes, which is slowly, if ever, recovered from.”

 

That’s quite a grip the babe Carmilla has!
Squeeze hard, my love, and I shall not complain.
I need to do more heavy dead lifts – as
That’s quite a grip the babe Carmilla has.
Garlic and sharpened stakes and all that jazz—
I’m done with it! You preachers preach in vain!
That’s quite a grip the babe Carmilla has!
Squeeze hard, my love, and I shall not complain.

 

–Tom Riley