Why Wait for Late Night?

Why Wait for Late Night?

Who says Putin must go? Now it’s Joe.
With such zingers he often lets go.
Critics may call them gaffes—
But Joe plays them for laughs.
It’s top-rated, his comedy show.

–Tom Riley

Elimination Compensation

Elimination Compensation

If only Vlad could be eliminated,
Why, Russians could be just like Lindsey Graham
And Bonehead Joe! Our values must be stated:
If only Vlad could be eliminated—
By which we mean, of course, assassinated—
McDonald’s could return to them. Hot damn!
If only Vlad could be eliminated,
Why, Russians could be just like Lindsey Graham!

–Tom Riley

Marching On

Marching On

The contemptible fat fraud Mark Shea
Marches on with deception today.
His implausible lies
Aren’t convincing the wise.
Many idiots, though, cheer away.

–Tom Riley

Ambiguities of Biden Classification

Ambiguities of Biden Classification

Bonehead? Meathead? The issue’s unsure.
For uncertainty, maybe, no cure
In this life will appear.
Still, we’ve seen it all year:
His stupidity’s frightfully pure.

–Tom Riley

Vast Vacancy

The Vast Vacancy

 

That fat fraud Shea is at it once again.
What is he up to? Well, of course he’s lying.
He earns from sycophants a swift amen.
He finds the praise of morons gratifying.
Truly engage his brain? He isn’t trying.
It’s all progressive reflex, leftist twitch.
You might conclude that he were daily dying
To be, say, hag Pelosi’s strap-on bitch.
But you’d be wrong. When he adores that witch
Or sticks his busy tongue up Biden’s ass,
He isn’t scratching any inner itch.
Rather, it’s like his posturing at Mass.
He just thinks it’ll pay the bills to do it.
He’s vacuous inside – except for suet.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Ban The Odyssey!

Ban The Odyssey!

 

Racial justice demands it, Ulysses.
So say shrill intersectional sissies.
Let your fame at last end!
Strength and wisdom offend.
What we need is more transgendered missies.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Causa Spes

Causa Spes

 

If we must have a communist pope,
Then in dullness we find our true hope.
Were he clever at all,
Aspiration would stall—
But the Commies put in a real dope.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Palmistry

Palmistry

 

Devout Joe quotes the Palmist quite a bit.
Republicans should have respect for that
And not dismiss him as a brain-dead twit.
Devout Joe quotes the Palmist quite a bit.
He manifests his piety and wit.
Don’t let his exhortation here fall flat!
Devout Joe quotes the Palmist quite a bit.
Republicans should have respect for that.

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(In Thanksgiving address, Biden pronounces “Psalmist” as “Palmist.”)

IQ Evaluation

IQ Evaluation

 

We’ve had popes who were geniuses, yes:
This today, of all days, I confess.
But I still have to say
That the pope of today
Is an absolute moron – or less.

 

–Tom Riley

Catholic Tastes

Catholic Tastes

 

Shea has his fans – as soft and lame as he,
As talentless, though never quite as fat.
They celebrate his imbecility
As brilliance. They applaud loud, and that’s that.
Virtueless, he is hailed as virtuecrat.
Witless, he is exalted as a wit.
His ill-constructed sentences fall flat.
It doesn’t matter. Punks admire his shit.
Does this surprise the wise? Ha! Not a bit!
It is the sort of thing a sage expects.
The idiotic words of Mark Shea fit
The preconceptions of all leftist sects.
Their praise comes cheap, but nothing could be sweeter.
He loves his status as a Catholic leader.

 

–Tom Riley