Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: idiots

Iron Hand

Iron Hand

He governed with an iron hand—
And also with a granite brain.
Was the whole world at his command?
He governed with an iron hand—
Though he could hardly understand
His native language. All in vain,
He governed – with an iron hand
And also with a granite brain.

–Tom Riley

Animal Control

Animal Control

I have owned several dogs that wandered off.
My evil neighbor captured them with glee.
It did no good to bark, to howl, to cough.
He always chose to act maliciously
In response to the opportunity
Presented by an unresisting pet.
He always called the sheriff – and I’d see
My dog hauled off. The same may happen yet.
Forgive, the family tells me, and forget.
These are not things I often opt to do.
Still, I don’t think I have to pay this debt.
I’ll leave that labor to a distant crew.
My evil neighbor’s strength is swiftly fading—
And Cerberus, I understand, is waiting.

–Tom Riley

Healthy Skepticism

Healthy Skepticism

They say your brain is operating, sir.
I’m waiting till I see the evidence.
Something, observers tell me, is astir:
They say your brain is operating. Sir,
I don’t deny that miracles occur—
But is this one in sync with past events?
They say your brain is operating, sir?
I’m waiting till I see the evidence.

–Tom Riley

Pueri Erunt Pueri

Pueri Erunt Pueri

The New York Times tries humor Oedipal
In origin. Ha, ha. What telling wit.
When such cunts, though, grow sickly Classical,
They only demonstrate they don’t know shit.
Truth is, the fate of Oedipus was writ
By Daddy, who molested Chrysippus,
Son if his host, and in that fashion spit
On common decency. Proceeding thus
To brand new crimes, the uncorrected cuss
Exposed his own son on the mountaintop.
Impossible but still imperious,
Laius the Reprobate just wouldn’t stop.
Despite The New York Times and all its noise,
That bastard should have let those boys be boys.

–Tom Riley

Anatomy of a Forgettery

Anatomy of a Forgettery

Is it really dementia? It’s not.
Mental flames there were never that hot.
Was there ever an hour
When he showed mental power?
If there ever was, fans, he forgot.

–Tom Riley

Devil Dog

Devil Dog

He said it was a nice dog in July—
But now it has three heads, comes straight from Hell,
And soon will sprout vast wings with which to fly.
He said it was a nice dog in July—
A comment he is likely to deny
Because his brain does not remember well.
He said it was a nice dog in July–
But now? It has three heads, comes straight from Hell!

–Tom Riley

Doctrinal Issue

Doctrinal Issue

The doctrine of the Pharisees was bad.

O ye who read my words, don’t gainsay that!

But, quite aside from that, I find it sad

That some mere self-appointed autocrat

Who has the backwards attitude down pat

Can’t even make it eloquent and sly.

Mouth overflowing with cerebral fat,

He makes it lame and dull.  Hey, what a guy!

The throbbing essence of that ancient lie

Indeed is now what animates his frame.

His bogus preaching, though, just doesn’t fly.

He’s in the game but cannot play the game.

To contradict his nonsense, vain and tired,

No savior in the Temple is required.

–Tom Riley

This Our World

This Our World

By preaching idiocy everywhere,
He’s making this our world a better place.
You dare to disapprove? Why should he care!
By preaching idiocy everywhere,
He purifies the necessary air
Of fruitless complication. No disgrace:
By spreading idiocy everywhere,
He’s making this our world a better place.

–Tom Riley

Another Bush War

Another Bush War

Why today are Ukrainians dying
While our CIA heroes keep lying
And our real prospects sink?
George Bush thought he could think
A belief that was quite satisfying.

–Tom Riley

Why Wait for Late Night?

Why Wait for Late Night?

Who says Putin must go? Now it’s Joe.
With such zingers he often lets go.
Critics may call them gaffes—
But Joe plays them for laughs.
It’s top-rated, his comedy show.

–Tom Riley