Career Opportunity

Career Opportunity

 
Hey, Mark Shea fan: your idol’s branching out!
He’s now an ace at Tranny Story Hour.
All that’s contained within his voice’s power
He’ll do to make his fellow sissies shout
Their approbation. Let there be no doubt:
He shaves his thunder thighs while in the shower—
Or dreams of doing so. He stands a tower
Of she-male pride, not just some Catholic lout.
But wait! I hear you saying. With a beard
Like that, Shea has to be a he-man, matey!
Pal, in a bum direction you’ve been steered.
Your vision’s sound, but, oh, your logic’s shady!
There ain’t no contradiction to be feared
Nowadays in a big fat bearded lady.

 
–Tom Riley

 

 

(Planned Parenthood ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea auditions for Tranny Story Hour.)

Clandestine Cleverness

Clandestine Cleverness

 

 
Since Trump has failed to go away,
We need a Gallic superspy:
Pierre Delecto has his say!

He’s LDS but slightly gay.
His suave assurance none deny.
Since Trump has failed to go away,

The Left is seized with sheer dismay.
Hey, folks, there ain’t no need to cry!
Pierre Delecto has his say

On your behalf! The games he’ll play
Are limitless. He isn’t shy.
Since Trump has failed to go away,

Our hero hastens to the fray!
On this persona please rely:
Pierre Delecto has his say!

The fictional don’t need to pay
Taxes upon their piece of pie.
Since Trump has failed to go away,
Pierre Delecto has his say!

 

 
–Tom Riley

 

 

 

(Mitt Romney transitions into Pierre Delecto.)

Losing Proposition

Losing Proposition

Democrats: you’re all sure to be beat
In the primary race. Feel the heat
As you learn it’s your mission
To assume the position!
You can never out-gay Mayor Pete!

—Tom Riley

Sympathetic Character

Sympathetic Character

McCain was sympathetic to Michelle—
Or Michael, as her name had been before.
He figured that the poor gurl went through hell
Before our mores changed, then changed some more.
Voters, he knew, were evil at their core—
And worse back then. They would have mocked Barack
If they’d exposed that bit of secret lore,
If they’d have guessed his missus had a cock.
McCain, however, knew that black gurls rock.
Long had he had a weakness for Ru-Paul!
He watched the movement of the culture clock,
And fondly smiled, and didn’t judge at all.
Besides, for Teddy Kennedy, no less,
He himself would have worn the wedding dress.

–Tom Riley

Obama 2020

Obama 2020

Their same-sex marriage they were forced to hide.
Voters were monstrous bigots in ’08.
This is a fact that cannot be denied:
Your average voter dripped with mindless hate.
That’s just what made Barack Obama great:
In such a wretched climate, still he won—
And then began to lead at such a rate
That minds were altered. Progress can be fun!
Now, after such a celebrated run
Of stylish smiles and governing success,
The bird that needed cooking must be done.
Naysayers know conversion – and say yes
To a new vision. Are we certain? Plenty!
Michael at last will win in 2020!

–Tom Riley

Got Him Off

Got Him Off

Why did Michelle Obama get him off?
Because of how he thrills “her” secret part!
That’s how a “lady” always acts. Cough, cough.
Why did Michelle Obama get him off?
Why, simple gratitude! No need to scoff:
His oral service comes straight from the heart.
Why did Michelle Obama get him off?
Because of how he thrills “her” secret part!

–Tom Riley

(Charges dropped against hate hoaxer Jussie Smollett.)

On the Prowl

On the Prowl

 

Senator Booker: is he on the prowl?
He’s asking nominees about gay sex!
And no one in his party’s crying foul.
Senator Booker: is he on the prowl?
Does he think guys will just throw in the towel?
Is there some inner weakness he detects?
Senator Booker: is he on the prowl?
He’s asking nominees about gay sex!

 

–Tom Riley

#HypocrisyToo

#HypocrisyToo

 

Cinematic types do what they do.
Starlets detail mistreatment. Boo-hoo!
Then they greet with acclaim
Call My Prick by Your Name.
Kid gets boned up the ass. Yeah: #HimToo.

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Call Me by Your Name wins Oscar for best screenplay.)