Smear Campaign
You dare to smear the hero Harry Dunn?
“Jussie Smollett,” you say? You dare? You dare?
You think such vile comparisons are fun?
May you long suffer in the Devil’s lair!
May your phone fail when you call for repair!
May you writhe in an endless agony!
May daily weights prove more than you can bear!
May all your pain transpire where we can see!
You should have been considerate, like me.
Such vain words of abuse I’d never use.
I strive to be as woke as I can be.
I try to cultivate the proper views.
That line to Harry Dunn I’d never say.
I might, though, call him “Juicy-Ass Smollay.”
–Tom Riley
Unsurprised
Yes, Fauci lied – but why are you surprised?
He signaled his dishonesty all year:
He flipped and flopped and endlessly revised,
Yes? Fauci lied! But why are you surprised
To learn of the deception, giant-sized,
That he engaged in, pushing mindless fear?
Yes: Fauci lied – but why are you surprised?
He signaled his dishonesty all year.
–Tom Riley
Seidule the Great
Forget Lee! There’s a better commander.
To the Zeitgeist he’s eager to pander.
Who’s this glorious guy?
Why, it’s General Ty!
He’s a regular woke Alexander!
–Tom Riley
(Bust of Alexander, not of Siedule.)
High Cost
We pay for
our favorite lies with coins
made of spirit.
–Tom Riley
Revenge of the Nerd
How can this sissy general at last
Be victor in a battle fiercely fought?
True victory, of course, cannot be bought.
Achilles sprints. Thersites, far outclassed,
Would love to see the godlike hero passed,
Would love to see his greatness brought to naught.
But such an outcome, furiously sought,
Is never given to the candy-assed.
The only contest possible is bitching—
But even there there’s way too much to dread.
The hero might undo some bio-stitching
And paint the field with hemoglobin red!
That’s why the current option’s so bewitching:
Ty Seidule will bitch against the dead!
–Tom Riley
In Point of Fact
Barack, in point of fact, broke no one’s nose.
Michelle is the Obama who can hit.
Barack’s a gutless sissy – and it shows.
Barack in point of fact broke no one’s nose.
Needing both hands to fix his panty hose,
He must have thrown instead a hissy fit.
Barack (in point of fact) broke no one’s nose.
Michelle is the Obama who can hit.
–Tom Riley
(In Springsteen interview, Obama tells implausible tough guy tale.)
Mario’s Legacy
Unwanted overtures from Andrew Cuomo?
Their origin was dad’s theology.
Staffers now say son moved – and not in slow mo:
Unwanted overtures from Andrew Cuomo,
Who sought to prove that he was not a homo.
What a surprising revelation! Gee,
Unwanted overtures from Andrew Cuomo?
Their origin was dad’s theology.
–Tom Riley
Aspects of Apollo
God of the Plague: what’s false offends you most.
Your arrows were as true as any word.
Your music could of old undo the boast
Of any braggart, raging and absurd.
From the lips of your priestess it was heard,
Your manly voice, too subtle for a lie.
And heroes of veracity were spurred
By prophecies as cloudy as a sigh.
God of the Sun: we have today a guy—
An expert, as his fellow liars say—
Who to be straight with us won’t even try
And really only seeks to spoil our day.
The wretched name of Fauci I reveal.
God of the Wolf: he ain’t much of a meal.
–Tom Riley
Flammeus Gladius 