Treason Trial

Treason Trial

In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor.
(He has no principles he could betray.)
His keyboard cry is, “Death to the invader!”
In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor!
Being a chronic gay porn masturbator,
He feels his sissy neurons slip away.
In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor.
(He has no principles he could betray.)

–Tom Riley

(Line 5: Not a literal allegation, but arguably true in a figurative sense. The satirist here of course has no more evidence that Mark Shea is a chronic gay porn masturbator than Shea himself has that Tulsi Gabbard is a traitor. And, if evidence of Shea’s degraded habits actually surfaced, we’d all try to avoid looking at it.)

Creepy Joe and the Great Sanction Orgy

Creepy Joe and the Great Sanction Orgy

Whom shall I sanction (Biden asks) today?
I’ll sanction every state that disagrees.
I’ll sanction every guy that isn’t gay.
I’ll sanction every punk not on his knees
To me and all my buddies. Hard to please,
I’ll sanction those who dare stay uncommitted
To all the lies I pitch as verities.
I’ll sanction those who say they won’t be shitted.
I’m tough as hell, though maybe insect-witted.
I’ll sanction India and China too.
Is it against the facts that I am pitted?
I’ll sanction you and you and you and you!
I’ve soiled my underpants, so why be nice?
America, not I, will pay the price.

–Tom Riley

(Note on the text: Sniffer Joe has of course never been literate enough to use the accusative pronoun “whom” correctly, nor to distinguish between nominative and accusative in such phrases as “America, not I.” And now he’s deep in dementia. He can’t distinguish his fundament from an aperture in the earth. But there’s no percentage in representing Joe’s drooling voice too accurately. T.R.)

In Practice

In Practice

They found your secret, sir. It’s time to lie.
But then, you’ve kept in practice, pretty much.
You knew determined enemies would try.
They found your secret! Sir: it’s time to lie.
The skills you’ve cultivated now apply.
With fellow liars you have kept in touch.
They found your secret, sir! It’s time to lie!
But then, you’ve kept in practice – pretty much.

–Tom Riley

Listen Close

Listen Close

You can’t, my lad, believe a word they say—
But listen close for evidence of lies.
Distrust, once fostered, never goes away.
You can’t, my lad, believe a word they say.
Serious are the games they opt to play—
And deadly. Caution here is doubly wise.
You can’t, my lad, believe a word they say—
But listen close for evidence of lies.

–Tom Riley

Smear Campaign

Smear Campaign

You dare to smear the hero Harry Dunn?
“Jussie Smollett,” you say? You dare? You dare?
You think such vile comparisons are fun?
May you long suffer in the Devil’s lair!
May your phone fail when you call for repair!
May you writhe in an endless agony!
May daily weights prove more than you can bear!
May all your pain transpire where we can see!
You should have been considerate, like me.
Such vain words of abuse I’d never use.
I strive to be as woke as I can be.
I try to cultivate the proper views.
That line to Harry Dunn I’d never say.
I might, though, call him “Juicy-Ass Smollay.”

–Tom Riley

Unsurprised

Unsurprised

Yes, Fauci lied – but why are you surprised?
He signaled his dishonesty all year:
He flipped and flopped and endlessly revised,
Yes? Fauci lied! But why are you surprised
To learn of the deception, giant-sized,
That he engaged in, pushing mindless fear?
Yes: Fauci lied – but why are you surprised?
He signaled his dishonesty all year.

–Tom Riley

Seidule the Great

Seidule the Great

Forget Lee! There’s a better commander.
To the Zeitgeist he’s eager to pander.
Who’s this glorious guy?
Why, it’s General Ty!
He’s a regular woke Alexander!

–Tom Riley

(Bust of Alexander, not of Siedule.)

High Cost

High Cost

We pay for
our favorite lies with coins
made of spirit.

–Tom Riley

Revenge of the Nerd

Revenge of the Nerd

How can this sissy general at last
Be victor in a battle fiercely fought?
True victory, of course, cannot be bought.
Achilles sprints. Thersites, far outclassed,
Would love to see the godlike hero passed,
Would love to see his greatness brought to naught.
But such an outcome, furiously sought,
Is never given to the candy-assed.
The only contest possible is bitching—
But even there there’s way too much to dread.
The hero might undo some bio-stitching
And paint the field with hemoglobin red!
That’s why the current option’s so bewitching:
Ty Seidule will bitch against the dead!

–Tom Riley

Fragility

Fragility

We’re determined to mandate the lie
We have carefully planned. If you try
To declare what is true,
We shall consequate you.
Truth is fragile as any choked sigh.

–Tom Riley