Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: light verse

Consolations

Consolations

The consolations, sir, of alcohol
I’ve been denied for five whole fucking days.
Similar suffering I can’t recall!
The consolations, sir, of alcohol
To me were not embarrassing at all—
But, lacking them, I wander in a maze.
The consolations, sir, of alcohol
I’ve been denied for five whole fucking days!

–Tom Riley

Whiskyhogmanay2010.jpg

Spin

Spin

Ask the pundits! Hey: they never lie!
Biden’s really one hell of a guy:
Competent – and admired.
He’s done all that’s required.
His low numbers are actually high.

–Tom Riley

True Dread

True Dread

If only Stonewall Jackson could have led
The insurrection at the Capitol!
Our congresscowards would have known true dread—
If only Stonewall Jackson could have led
Northern Virginia’s finest men ahead
Against Leviathan. Do I appall?
If only Stonewall Jackson could have led
The insurrection at the Capitol!

–Tom Riley

Reading Maketh a Full Man

Reading Maketh a Full Man

General Jimmy Mattis is a reader.
He’s read a lot of books, he’ll have you know.
In literary land a trick-or-treater,
He looks in pumpkin eyes and loves the glow.
The handsome passersby he opts to blow
Have not, of course, read half so much as he.
They wait in cold encampments, row on row.
They’re practicing their own philosophy.
How can a polymath of such depth be?
How can such Stoic virtue yet perdure?
Don’t be a jerk, Marine! Don’t balk! Don’t flee!
For what ails modern man, there’s just one cure:
Extensive reading while, serene and slow,
General Mattis gets to work below.

–Tom Riley

Gen. James Mattis arrives at the Senate Armed Services Committee hearing in Washington

Into Safety

Into Safety

I’ve castled into safety, as you see.
Is my position solid? Ha! You bet!
Opposing men: no point pursuing me.

To step aside these pawns will not agree.
It’s futile here to weave a mating net.
I’ve castled into safety – as you see

With your own eyes. Sublime security
Is now my clear and blessed state. Well met,
Opposing men! No point pursuing me!

The checkmate you envision cannot be.
With your strong queen I’ll have no tête-à-tête.
I’ve castled into safety. As you see,

I’m practically celestial royalty.
I’ve made the right investments, and I’m set,
Opposing men. No point pursuing me.

The board must now submit on bended knee.
Resistance is the pathway to regret.
I’ve castled into safety – as you see,
Opposing men. No point pursuing me!

–Tom Riley

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Cryptic Truth

Cryptic Truth

“Deus laudem meam ne tacueris.”

Apollo would have spoken cryptic truth.
Omnipotence, however, holds its peace.
The Oracle was not a kissing booth.
Apollo would have spoken cryptic truth
In the thrice-wearied world’s untutored youth.
Now all such tortured revelations cease.
Apollo would have spoken cryptic truth.
Omnipotence, however, holds its peace.

–Tom Riley

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Trying Too Hard

Trying Too Hard

“Hey, you’re trying too hard!” So I said
To my hard-beating heart, to my head,
To my body and soul,
All pursuing one goal.
“If you don’t try, however, you’re dead.”

–Tom Riley

Savior of Democracy

Savior of Democracy

Our democracy threatened? Oh, no!
Who can save us from such a sad show?
Is there hope to discern?
In our peril, we turn
To the idiot dictator Joe!

–Tom Riley

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Anti-Blaxxers

Anti-Blaxxers

Black men don’t want to get the damn vax—
For they know that lab losers hate blacks.
Punks are jealous. It’s so.
Guys like Fauci, you know,
Have inadequate nuts in their sacks.

–Tom Riley

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A Big If

A Big If

If I just got the vax, I’d be secure
Against all forms of death now known to man
And woman. There’d be no pain to endure
If I just got the vax. I’d be secure.
I’d need no distant God to reassure
My overburdened soul. I’d have a plan
If I just got the vax. I’d be secure
Against all forms of death now known to man.

–Tom Riley