Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: limericks

It Gets Around

It Gets Around

First they minimized personal spaces,
Then engaged in forbidden embraces.
Did they hide these acts? Sure.
Outwardly they were pure.
But look now: there’s a pox on their faces!

–Tom Riley

Judgment

Judgment

Is there judgment? You say that there is.
At theology, you’re just a wiz!
Your faith gab never ends.
When said judgment descends,
Are you sure you’ll be passing the quiz?

–Tom Riley

Sure Thing

Sure Thing

They malfunction, your neck and your shoulder.
Alas, even by day you feel colder
Than you felt in the past!
Youthful hopes just don’t last.
You’re not wiser at all – but you’re older.

–Tom Riley

Optimistic Alcohol

Optimistic Alcohol

Pessimistic philosophy? Fine.
I’m observing the hurtful design
Just like you. Just like you,
I recoil from it, too—
But I treat these perceptions with wine.

–Tom Riley

Honest Opinion from a Kneeling Position

Honest Opinion from a Kneeling Position

Stephen King thinks Bandera was great:
Yes, a Nazi tall geeks could fellate
While he stood for Ukraine!
If of this you complain,
You’re a right-wing purveyor of hate!

–Tom Riley

Is This a Dagger that She Sees Before Her?

Is This a Dagger that She Sees Before Her?

Liz perceives truths with vision ethereal
As she dreams of a future imperial.
Did she get her ass kicked?
Then success she’ll predict!
She is now presidential material!

–Tom Riley

Niche Audience

Niche Audience

Loser Cheney, whose sire is named Dick,
Was at no time a really hot chick.
But the beating she got
Made her even less hot.
With a blind john she’ll turn her next trick.

–Tom Riley

T.M.I.

T.M.I.

“Far too much information!” she said.
There, perhaps, my face should have turned red
At the lass’s reply.
Still… informative? I?
I am always allusive instead!

–Tom Riley

Dutiful

Dutiful

With the day’s duties, I rush ahead—
Though I might well play hooky instead.
Virtue could be a lie.
Sure, the lazy-assed die—
But the dutiful too end up dead.

–Tom Riley

Rhetorical Powers

Rhetorical Powers

You expect a tremendous amen—
But I’m yawning inside. I have been
In attendance for hours.
Your rhetorical powers?
You need not, sir, display them again.

–Tom Riley