Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: Mary Pezzulo

Victimhood

Victimhood

“I’m a victim!” Pezzulo declares.
Your routine, you poor slug, needs repairs.
Your shtick’s likely to fail.
Please don’t tell us your tale!
It’s a fiction – and nobody cares.

–Tom Riley

Incredible Sigmund Pezzulo

The Incredible Sigmund Pezzulo

Furor impius intus,
saeva sedens super arma, et centum vinctus aenis
post tergum nodis, fremet horridus ore cruent
.

—Vergil, Aeneid, 1.294-296

The slug Pezzulo psychoanalyzes
The ancient world. The Romans were sadistic.
Not one cell in her slug brain realizes
That such a statement isn’t realistic.
Of course, it’s simple – being thus simplistic.
And that to the Pezzulo is a plus.
Of facile impulse she’s become a mystic.
Her mantra echoes, dripping snot and pus.
It doesn’t matter that she’s vacuous.
Her bonehead fans will lick up all that slime
And hail her fantasies as virtuous.
She knows they will. They do it all the time!
A rape by Tiber’s sons has been suggested.
They glance at her and are not interested.

–Tom Riley

Life Coach

Life Coach

“Get a life!” cried the beggar on the street.
In her own mind, her life was an example.
Her cold disdain became unbridled heat.
“Get a life!” cried the beggar on the street.
Did well-heeled passersby admit defeat?
They should have – for her screech was more than ample.
“Get a life!” cried the beggar on the street.
In her own mind, her life was an example.

–Tom Riley

Origin Story

Origin Story

A crazed, self-tortured scientific guy
Pursues unholy ends with practiced haste.
In the academy he’s been disgraced.
They’ve called him mad. Him! Mad! Oh, what a lie!
They are the ones who will not even try
To see the sorts of truths that must be faced—
To see the possibilities all spaced
Before him, twisted stairways climbing high!
Well, now’s the night! The thunderstorm is here.
With Heaven’s prohibitions he will strive
By harnessing the troubled atmosphere.
The lightning is preparing to arrive!
Discharge! Aha! Obstructions disappear!
“I call it the Pezzulo! It’s alive!”

–Tom Riley

Your Guide to Love

Your Guide to Love

Pezzulo speaks. If you observe her tips,
Your dating life will, like an eagle, soar.
The words that afterward escape your lips
Will be the sort of clever words that score.
Have you known women? You will soon know more.
Pezzulo’s method, lad, will make them flock
To your environs. Yes, that’s what’s in store.
Your newfound popularity will shock.
The babes pursuing you will say you rock.
You’ll be a sort of Elvis in your way.
You’ll have exciting dates around the clock.
Embraces will consume your every day.
Alas, these girls, according to the odds,
Will pretty much resemble gastropods!

–Tom Riley

Dating Advice

Dating Advice

The Pezzulo gives dating advice?
Madam, rectal intrusion ain’t nice—
As your vile prose style shows.
How your arrogance grows!
I am sure guys will not listen twice.

–Tom Riley

Batrachian

Batrachian

With excuses both flimsy and crass,
She refuses to move her fat ass.
Like a toad on a log,
She will sit – and her blog
Will instruct us to give her a pass.

–Tom Riley

Smell a Rat

Smell a Rat

“Thou shalt not say mean things about Mark Shea!”
Patheos girls can all agree on that.
Though some are lean in fact, their heads are fat.
Though some are straight in fact, their guts are gay.
The sissy qualities that they display
Would scandalize RuPaul. Who smells a rat?
You’ll note the scent is much like Democrat
And makes the heart recoil in sheer dismay.
That’s what I smell when all those bloggers link
Soft arms and bellow kumbaya for Mark.
Their scam requires not one of them to think
A single thought or know a neural spark.
They fake it all by slinging online ink.
They need to keep their failings in the dark.

–Tom Riley

All You Rapists

All You Rapists

You beasts! You’ve gone and raped her yet again!
Her victimhood you’ve foully victimized
To serve your selfish pleasure! She has been
Targeted – and she doesn’t seem surprised.
You dare to claim you never realized
That you were raping her? That makes it worse.
Your blank incomprehension, supersized,
Has thus become her sad, recurring curse.
A life as victim how can she reverse
When none of her tormentors will confess?
The pepper spray she carries in her purse
Against your kind means ever less and less.
You rape her with your eyes and filthy minds.
You rape her when you read these nasty lines.

–Tom Riley

(The Pezzulo reports further rape fantasies.)

Omnia Illam Rapiunt

Omnia Illam Rapiunt

To the Pezzulo, everything is rape.
By virtue of her penetrative name,
She shapes a vision only she could shape.
Fierce male aggression conscience cannot tame
Surrounds her gorgeousness and has one aim:
To subjugate her femininity!
Her sweetness is the treasure it would claim.
It threatens underparts incessantly.
Yes, in reality, this cannot be.
She’s as attractive as a hog’s behind.
If blind folks smell what you and I can see,
They will concur – and truth is what they’ll find.
No manhood in the whole wide world is rising.
(But should this stop a gal from fantasizing?)

–Tom Riley